The Adventures Of Chillpack

Unexpected

2012-02-07T16:30:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it feels like every day is an uphill battle surrounding issues of sex and gender. I feel like no one is listening, it isn't getting any better, and people dislike my constant questions, theories, and interjections. Sometimes my political consciousness feels raw.

Sometimes, I find the strength to keep going in the most unexpected of places. My dad was asking me about classes last week and when I talked to him about the gendered wage gap and how this gap widens or closes based on factors such as race, he was appalled. My dad, the guy who makes racist and homophobic jokes just to piss me off. The guy who, for a lack of a better word, is a total fucking redneck. (Love you, dad!) He was mad. He was shocked.

"Men and women deserve equal pay for equal work. People that don't think that need to be told that this isn't the cave man era. That is just sad."

You're right, dad. It is just sad.

His words were simple, but he reminded me that what we're asking for isn't revolutionary. It isn't some utopian fantasy that we're struggling for. What we want is universal. We want equality, nothing more, and nothing less.

Blue Belt

2012-02-03T16:21:00.000-08:00

It's about to get real braggy up in here.

Last Saturday I received my blue belt in Behring Jiu Jitsu, which is a big fat deal. You see, jits hurts. It hurts a lot. It takes most people at least three months just to learn how to breathe instead of hyperventilate (you can always spot the newbs, because they grunt and get kind of purple when they aren't being choked). It is bone on bone contact. Your body has to harden. Skin gets pinched, you take unintended knees and elbows to all different parts of the body, and you learn really quick that rolling around in a gi is like wearing a sauna suit. It is rough stuff for a while, but it does get better.

I never thought it would, but jiu jitsu did get better. Apparently, my coaches think that I am better as well.

In the sport everyone starts with a white belt. After the white belt the rankings go like this: blue, purple, brown, black (there are some variations on the black belt that eventually lead to red, but that takes an eternity and I don't feel qualified to explain the process). I have trained for two and a half years, that is why it is a big deal. The amount of people that actually make it to the first belt is small, and the amount of people that stick around after that is even smaller still. I reached the first milestone. My coaches think that I have enough skills and have put in enough time to be a blue belt. It feels really good.

Grand Master Flavio Behring tied my belt on. The belt that he tied on is custom with "Chillpack" embroidered on it. Ben couldn't make the seminar and he had the belt made as a surprise. I almost cried when I saw it. After the belts were awarded (some of my very deserving teammates were also promoted to blue belts), Pedro gave me a photocopy of a handwritten letter from Ben to read in private at the front of the gym. I didn't almost cry at this point. I cried.

After I wiped my eyes and walked back onto the mat of sixty-five or more athletes, the Gauntlet ensued. The Gauntlet is the rite of passage that requiress you walk through the middle of your teammates who hold the same rank or above. Those teammates take off their belts, fold them in half (or if you're a real asshole, as many times as possible), and they flagellate you. Yup, they whip you as you walk through. I personally don't understand this part of the ritual. I don't see the point and I can't help but feel repelled by this weird hazing ordeal, but it felt great afterwards. The rush was truly unparalleled.

On the journey to this first belt I have learned a lot more than basic bjj. These are the things I feel jiu jitsu has taught me:

1.) One thing at a time. Don't become overwhelmed by the entirety of any given situation, just focus on the immediate threat. If you can survive the first onslaught of anything, you have a chance to survive to the end.

2.) Small victories. Sure, maybe you don't choke someone every round, but learn to define your success in alternate ways. Many rounds are chalked up as successful when I get to the top once or I don't get submitted. Life and jiu jitsu are hard, and sometimes the reason we fail is because of our definitions of success.

3.) I am strong. I am physically and mentally strong. I can grapple with big, strong, skilled fighters and hold my own, because my body is more powerful than I ever could have dreamed. I was so terrified to start the sport, because of a fear of having my neck touched that I literally had to be tricked into it. Now, that mental barrier, that weakness, has given me a wicked choke defense. I guess 3a.)your weaknesses can be transformed into strengths if you try hard enough.

I have learned so much, but so little. I have a long way to go, but for the first time since I started I have finally realized that I am part of the way there.

Scared of the "Big One"

2012-01-19T12:05:00.000-08:00

Today on campus I was standing in line to go to the bathroom when the "handicapped" stall door swung open and a women exited. The woman that emerged appeared to need the accommodations the stall provided. I didn't go to use the stall she left vacant because I am fortunate enough to fit the body type that most of our institutions are modeled around. I don't need access accommodations, something that I am lucky to say at this time in my life.

When I didn't rush into the newly emptied stall a young woman behind me asked, "Why don't you go in the big one?" I politely let her know that I prefer to leave those stalls open for those that really need them. The time I make an exception to this rule is if I am literally going to vomit, defecate, or urinate on myself. (I figure I'm doing more harm than good if I shit on the public bathroom floor.) The young lady looked perplexed and responded to me (within earshot of the woman that just exited!), "I don't go into the big ones either. They scare me. Why is that seat so big anyway?" I wish I could say that I calmly talked to her or even say that I erupted and called her an idiot, but the truth is I was so flabbergasted by her statement/question, that I just walked into the next available stall and proceeded to pee with a look of utter confusion and indignation plastered across my face.

Scared of the big one? I'm scared that there is one dedicated stall for people with variant body types. I'm scared that compulsory able-bodiedness is so prevalent that a fellow University of Utah student literally couldn't comprehend why I would leave that stall vacant or understand why there were scary hand rails and a larger commode.

I regret that I didn't say anything to that young lady. I missed a great teachable moment today on campus.

To Love is Not to Possess

2012-01-16T15:33:00.000-08:00

Ben and I have been having chats about what it means to get married and how we could pull of a marriage ceremony that is representative of both of our values. We're not getting married anytime soon for anyone that reads this. Sometimes we talk about the future. No big deal. (Sort of.)

Given the symbolic devaluation of women that has been left behind from the overtly misogynistic institution that Western marriages once (and often still) represents, a gender equitable ceremony is really important to me as a woman. I don't know how I feel about my dad "giving me away." I sure as hell don't like traditional wedding vows, and I'm trying to resolve those conflicts long before they arise.

The things that are important to me are also important to Ben, and since our last conversation I have been reading and researching in my spare time. I have really enjoyed reading about how some couples decided to celebrate their day, and it was during my reading that I came across the lovely poem below. I don't think anything has more accurately described the way I feel about love. I want everything about our future day to give this message.

I am moved to tears every single time I read this.

"To Love is Not to Possess"
By: James Kavanaugh

To love is not to possess,
To own or imprison,
Nor to lose one’s self in another.
Love is to join and separate,
To walk alone and together,
To find a laughing freedom
That lonely isolation does not permit.
It is finally to be able
To be who we really are
No longer clinging in childish dependency
Nor docilely living separate lives in silence,
It is to be perfectly one’s self
And perfectly joined in permanent commitment
To another–and to one’s inner self.
Love only endures when it moves like waves,
Receding and returning gently or passionately,
Or moving lovingly like the tide
In the moon’s own predictable harmony,
Because finally, despite a child’s scars
Or an adult’s deepest wounds,
They are openly free to be
Who they really are–and always secretly were,
In the very core of their being
Where true and lasting love can alone abide.

Best Part of Being an Adult No.2

2012-01-16T15:15:00.000-08:00

One of the best parts of being an adult, you ask? One of the best parts of being an adult is owning (almost) a car. Sure, I have a car payment (thus, the previous "almost"), car insurance, car maintenance and gas to pay for...but, I get to leave places I don't want to be. I also get to drive to the places I would like to visit, jam to great songs, listen to NPR, and have some occasional sex in my very own car.
I have anthropomorphized my car to an almost unhealthy extent. His name is Warren Sapp. He looks like a football helmet, which is why I named him after a football player, and when rocks hit "him" I say "ow," because I instinctively think it hurt his "face." I'm a little weird sometimes, deal with it. My little Toyota Yaris sedan can park anywhere, gets between thirty-four and forty miles per gallon, and is cute as hell. The payments and gas are worth it.

Having a car is a really great part about being a very fortunate adult. Afterall, Saudi women aren't even allowed to drive, because if they start to drive the country will lose all of its virgins (wtf?, who knows? read about the claim here).

NYE

2012-01-07T12:55:00.000-08:00

I wanted to post this incredibly awesome photo of our New Year's Eve celebration. I couldn't have spent the night with better people. Personally, I think our 90s attire was 2 Legit 2 Quit.

Two Months

2012-01-06T11:37:00.000-08:00

It has been almost two months since I have updated this damn thing, and quite a bit has happened during that time. I finished a semester of school and made major goal changes for graduate school. Law school is a dream of the past and now I'm looking at the Master of Public Administration program at the U. I'm excited an nervous to graduate in May. My goals are within reach and plans must be made for the future, which is both exhilirating and exhausting.

I made a wreath for Christmas and we celebrated the holiday with new decorations for the house and gifts aplenty. I don't think I will ever attempt to make something decorative again, it was a long process and I've decided that I'd much rather pay someone to do that stuff for me.

My parents bought us a 55" LCD HDTV, Ben bought me a Nook Tablet (which I adore), and I snagged Ben some goodies like a new iPod. We went to a 90s themed New Year's Eve party and had a blast. Basically, the holidays were good to me and Ben.

In the past two months I have acquired some recommendations: "The Visible Man" by Chuck Klosterman is worth a read; Kimya Dawson's new album "Thunder Thighs" is worth a listen, and the new Sherlock Holmes movie is worth a view.

Currently I'm gearing up for a fifteen credit hour semester and I'm working on putting together a six week, ladies self-defense seminar with my coach. He has graciously offered his time free of charge, so I'm making arrangements to get everything done. More on that when I have details. I need all of the participants I can find to insure a good turnout. Ben leaves for Hawaii on Monday and he should be back within a month. He's not looking forward to leaving, but he is excited for the money it will bring. Basically, life is good right now. Things are moving like they should and I'm happy. I hope all of my friends had a great holiday season and I wish everyone a wonderful year to come. I'm going to try to become more regular with my posting again, but we'll see.

I Want

2011-11-15T13:48:00.000-08:00

I want. I want. I want. Seriously though, I can't decide: Kindle Fire, Nook Tablet, or (bite the expensive bullet) iPad?

Any suggestions would be much appreciated!

Best Part of Being an Adult: No. 1

2011-11-10T21:30:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I need a little reminder that being an adult (with all of the stresses that title entails), is actually truly awesome. Case in point:

I didn't have to ask to lick the beaters. I scraped the bowl clean, and it was 10:15 p.m., on a school/work night. Being an adult has its perks.

The contents of the bowl are going to be a delightful birthday present for my coach, Rob Handley. You should try making it one day, seriously, like, tomorrow. It will totally be worth it.

Great Things

2011-11-09T22:43:00.000-08:00

Remember the Halloween party we put on? The one with all of the little kids. The one that was so much fun, but affirmed my fears about children ("baby, we can finish what we started in the car after the kids are asleep" *horrified looks**life changing.split.second.silent decisions*), yeah, that one. It was totally worth it, because we received this in the mail:

dear Chelsea and ben: thank you for inviting me to the parrty and for the pizza. thankyou for leting me sleap over, I had a lot of fun. thank you for the awsom goodi bags

love, Jarom

Jarom is such a brilliant little man, who is so lucky to have parents that are instilling old-school manners in him. Really, the "thank you" card is virtually lost in our society, but this six year old makes it look so good.

Speaking of awesome. Jarom's fabulous mom bought us a really great piece of calligraphy on Etsy (I wish I knew the name of the artist, but I don't), and I am finally getting around to hanging it on our wall. (Sorry, Tse, you know how hectic life can get.) The picture doesn't do it justice, it is so beautiful.

"The library connects us with the insight and knowledge gainfully extracted from Nature, of the greatest minds that ever were, with the best teachers, drawn from the entire planet and from all our history, to instruct us without tiring, and to inspire us to make our own contributions to the collective knowledge of the human species. I think the health of our civilization, the depth of our awareness about the underpinnings of our culture and our concern for the future can all be tested by how well we support our libraries." -Carl Sagan, Cosmos

On the Loose

2011-11-08T11:07:00.000-08:00

There's a perv loose on the campus of the University of Utah. Apparently, the son of a bitch thinks it is okay to grope young women. One poor gal had to bite him, scratch him, and set off her car alarm before he would leave her alone. I really hope they catch this degenerate. This is the description being sent around:

White male
Age: 30 - 35 years old
Height: 6'3 - 6'5"
Weight: 250 pounds approximately
Brown hair
Blue eyes
Clean shaven.
Last seen wearing black coat with hood, dark pants and dark shirt

Please, please, please, always walk in groups whenever possible, and always carry some form of pepper spray. Unfortunately, we live in a society where rape/sexual assault happens constantly, and although the ideal would be that we could just focus on preventing rape altogether, we must also focus on protection.

If you are ever interested in learning some type of self-defense, Absolute MMA is the place to go. The things I learn at AMMA are merely an insurance policy; I hope to never have to use it, and it may not replace all that was lost, but it is better than nothing.

I'm really beating a dead horse here on this blog, but if something has ever happened to you, please contact the Rape Recovery Center and get some help. It is never too late.

Roku for the Win

2011-11-05T18:41:00.000-07:00

Steve, thanks for moving in with your awesome boyfriend. It is because he already owned a Roku that you gave us yours for free and we are eternally grateful. The Roku streams our Netflix on our wonderful television. It also streams Hulu Plus and loads of other free movie channels. You can even purchase the UFC events. I think we pay sixteen dollars per month for Netflix, which is sooooo much cheaper than cable; so, despite the fact that I really miss the Food Network, TLC, and HBO, we'll stick with this magic little box and Netflix (regardless of the new price increase).

Oh, and Steve, congratulations on the happy, healthy relationship. We love Bryon too.

Happy (Late) Halloween

2011-11-03T10:20:00.000-07:00

We had a Halloween party for the nieces, nephews and Jarom on the 15th: it was an absolute blast! We ate Jack O' Lantern pizza, drank witches brew and decorated cookies. Like any good party, we played games including: the mummy wrap, doughnut eating, and pin the smile on the Jack O' Lantern. The kids each received a goodie bag with gummy pumpkins, fangs, fingertips, spider rings, googly glassses, flashlights and temporary tattoos. We ended the night with Disney's "Halloweentown," and because that freaked the kids out, we followed it up with "Despicable Me."

The next morning, Ben cooked the kids chocolate chip pancakes, bacon and eggs. It was a great end to the festivities! I sure do love those kids, but let me tell you, I am never having children. One night was definitely enough. Definitely.

The Night Circus

2011-10-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

I recently finished reading Erin Morgenstern's, "The Night Circus," and I can't recommend it enough. The story follows two young magicians (Celia and Marco) on a magical tour of the world in the fabled Le Cirque De Reves (Circus of Dreams), where the two are engaged in a perpetual exhibition/duel of their magical abilities.

Morgenstern paints such a vivid and fanciful picture of the black and white circus, that I found myself wishing that it was real. I also found myself wishing that this book would be made into a movie. Apparently, Summit has picked up film rights, I hope they do it some justice (the Twilight series was their doing, so I'm feeling some trepidation on that front). I fell in love with the characters. I cried when one of them died, smiled when two of them were born, and I rooted for the magicians in love.

"The Night Circus" has such broad appeal with its dark elements; Prospero the magician teaches his young daughter to heal herself with magic by slitting the tops of her fingers open, and its romantic side, which allows us to peer into a crowded ballroom as Marco grasps Celia in her color-changing gown for a lustful kiss.

This book won't disappoint. If it takes you more than four days to read, I will be surprised (I found myself stealing time to read every chance I could).

Just Like Me

2011-10-10T15:18:00.000-07:00

This is a must read. Well-written, beautiful, and not the least bit presumptuous. And yes, it has to do with Glee.

Did I Mention?

2011-10-07T10:53:00.000-07:00

My dad's tumor is benign!

That is all.

Tactile

2011-10-06T22:57:00.000-07:00

A great majority of my life is defined through my perpetual love affair with food.

This bad boy is like a sex toy for foodies.

Ikea $10. BestPurchaseEver

Love

2011-09-29T22:37:00.000-07:00

This picture warms my heart and has love written all over it. Absolutely adorable.

Tastes of Inauthenticity

2011-09-23T07:22:00.000-07:00

I should have known when we walked in the front door. There was paneling on the walls, and the constant din of a fan or swamp cooler. The place was sparsely decorated. I thought they were closed because of the general disarray, but I was hungry, and sometimes the best food comes from dives (right, Guy Fieri?). These were the thoughts when Ben and I walked into Taste of India in West Jordan, and in retrospect, we should have just walked out.

I had the chicken coconut korma, and Ben had the chicken tikka masala. We ordered the naan fusion basket, because we can't get enough of good naan. We didn't get any good naan with our order. The naan was doughy; doughy to the point that I could pull pieces off and roll it up into little balls. Not to mention, they forgot the bread basket, and we only received it after I asked the waitress about it.

The curries were soupy and bland. I literally asked the server if the sauce was from a jar, to which she said she needed to go ask the kitchen. Bad sign. Sorry, sweet server, the terrible food isn't your fault but I had to know. They said the food was fresh, but let me tell you: they lied. I make Indian food at home, and I eat it every chance I can, that slop was from a jar.

$45 later, we walked out disappointed and feeling slightly sick.

I am not hard to please. I don't have an insanely refined palate, but I was truly disappointed. I don't know if anyone else has been to one of their two locations, but the dinner we had was so disgusting that I want to warn everyone to avoid the hell out of that place.

If you want Indian food go to these places:
Himalayan Kitchen
Star of India
India House
Bombay House
India Fusion

Halloween

2011-09-22T16:47:00.000-07:00

According to the feeling in the air and the stores, it is time to decorate for Halloween. I didn't realize how much I loved Halloween decorations until I walked into the Hobby Lobby and almost orgasmed. I picked up some cute stuff for great prices.


Table runner: $10 @TJ Maxx, Candy Dish: $7 @Hobby Lobby

Wreath: $25 @Target

Indoor Wall Hangy Thing: $12 @ Hobby Lobby

Window sill decor: $6 @Hobby Lobby

I also bought some Halloween dishtowels for $5 at Target.

It was great fun going with my friend Mallory for a day of shopping. We lusted over things we couldn't afford and compared prices on the stuff we could, it was an uber-successful shopping day.

15 lbs

2011-09-21T16:17:00.000-07:00

This past year I have gained fifteen pounds (and I haven't lost one of 'em). I find myself bitching about it quite a bit, but when I eat a bag of these babies, the fifteen seems worth it.

Just so you know, Vanilla Tootsies are the bees knees, and now they are sold by the bag. Uh-oh.

Dodging Bullets

2011-09-19T14:56:00.000-07:00

Over Labor Day weekend my dad was in a pretty nasty car crash. A deer jumped in front of his truck while he was coming home from the elk hunt, and when he swerved to miss the loping mammal, he rolled the length of a football field. Thankfully, someone saw this happen and stopped. Life flight took my dad to the regional hospital in Provo. They thought he had back and neck fractures, but after the swelling went down, he was cleared on that front. He did have a concussion, broke five ribs, and bruised his lungs.

Ben and I were camping when I found out, and the two hour drive from Mineral Basin in American Fork Canyon, to the hospital in Provo was the longest trip I have ever experienced in my life. I was cursing camping and crying the whole ride there. When we arrived, he looked surprisingly well, aside from the tubes and hospital gadgets. He was in the hospital until September 11th, but he's home now, and he's doing alright.

Well, sorta...

Here I am, celebrating the luck that my dad has, and I just found out today that he has a tumor on his adrenal gland. Initially, they thought it was a "bleeder" or general trauma from the accident, but today they called to let him know that it is an actual mass.

I shouldn't freak out too bad, because we don't know if it's malignant. Right?

I suppose we'll find out this week, and just move from there.

Slacking

2011-09-02T13:31:00.000-07:00

I have been slacking in the blog department, but such is life, right?

Here is the skinny on the past few weeks:

Ben and I took Jarom to the zoo for his sixth birthday celebration, and we had an absolute blast! The Zoorasic Park exhibit that Utah's Hogle Zoo hosted was a sight to be seen. The dinosaurs were very realistic, and the little man loved them. The dinosaurs are gone now, but if you haven't been to the zoo this summer, I recommend going. Sometimes the animals seem sad, but zoos are generally a wonderful place for knowledge, and the animals tend to be well taken care of (that's my take for those of you that are ambivalent about zoos). On a lighter note, I braved the reptile house for longer than I felt was necessary, but I suppose that is a step toward personal growth?

Aesop Rock and the Hail Mary Mallon crew performed with Kimya Dawson at the Urban Lounge, and the show rocked my world!!! Hail Mary Mallon played new music, and Aes and Kimya debuted some of their new material for an album they are working on. Watch this video to get a taste (warning, you will want to cry):

Natalie had a bachelorette party where we ate at The Garage in North Salt Lake, and afterward we all had a "few" drinks at the Marriott downtown. The burger at The Garage is delish, and their wings are pretty damn good too, for those that are interested. Her party was every ounce as fabulous as she is. Words can't express how fun it was to let loose with a group of funny, intelligent women. Alek and Nat tie the knot on Saturday, and I'm eagerly waiting to see how beautiful their celebration will be. The update that follows their wedding will likely be a verbose one. (Speaking of, check out Nat's gorgeous bridal pictures.)

All-in-all: school is flowing along nicely, the gym is fantastic (I've been choking suckas on a regular basis), Ben and I are fantastic, my friends are behaving in their usual (aka marvelous) fashion, and I couldn't be happier.

I swear, I'll update with some pictures, it's just a matter of time.

I Would Have Preferred Breaking A Limb

2011-08-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

Last week was awful. I know I should blog about positive things, and tell the whole world that everything in my life is perfect (that seems to be the trend on blogs). But, guess what? This is my blog, and my outlet, and I get to do as I damn-well please.

I'm not going to lie: last week was hard. Last week was a week of tears and yelling. I don't yell, so that should tell you that something was up.

Last week I thought my world was coming apart. Someone very important lied to me. I cried when they lied. They apologized. Then they lied again. And again. I still don't know if I received the whole truth. I couldn't accept their apology the first ten times they said "I'm sorry," which isn't like me. Eventually, I accepted, but I'm still sore from last week. I feel like I can't sleep enough. Work is a drain, jiu-jitsu feels like some form of torture, and tasks like shaving my legs still feel exhausting.

I have learned over the past week that I am strong. Stronger than I could have dreamed. With the final lie I erupted, "This is a problem with you. This is not my fault. I am smart, funny, caring, determined, educated, and pretty. I don't deserve this!" I was right, and the person knew it.

Things are getting back to normal, but this is one of those situations that will take time. I think I'm being asked to have faith. Faith is believing that something is true in spite of the evidence. Faith is something that I detest. I don't think faith is admirable, and I don't think it should be put on a pedestal; I don't admire people for their faith. But, sometimes I understand that the thin line between faith and hope is blurred.

Hope is when you have evidence that things can change. Hope is an investment and requires work. With hope there is a trend that indicates something will change (at least that's what it means to me). I can't tell if I am learning to have faith or hope. I'm leaning towards hope, because that makes me feel more secure.

Still Gives Me the Chills

2011-08-02T14:36:00.000-07:00

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight's about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for on thing: Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't voter for two reasons-because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America-the heartache and the hope/ the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot.

Yes we can.

President Barack Obama
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Grant Park, Chicago, IL

Finals

2011-07-31T23:26:00.000-07:00

This week I have to finish a twenty-five page paper. I have procrastinated far too much, and have to write fourteen pages in the next two days! I also have four final assignments, and two final tests. This week is going to be hectic, but I'm ready for the break, and the light at the end of the tunnel is keeping me motivated!

Friday and Saturday are going to be great (not just because Saturday is my last final), but because Grand Master Flavio Behring is in town for a seminar at Absolute MMA. I always learn so much when he is here, and I'm really looking forward to seeing some people be promoted to higher belts.

Also, we're spending Sunday at Hogle Zoo with one of my favorite boys on the planet, Jamrock! Cam and Tse are letting us take the big guy out for his birthday date. I am loving the new tradition of taking kids out for solo dates on their birthdays.

What does Jam want to see, you ask? Snakes! Sunday should be full of laughs, and it will be a good test for my phobia. I can't show fear in front of the little one, so maybe I will actually walk into the reptile house and look around?

Finally!

2011-07-30T13:24:00.000-07:00

I have mentioned Alex Pardee a few times, and I have raved about the print he did of Batman that I desperately want. This is the picture:

The print is sold out, and will never be reprinted (in the larger size). I have searched online to no avail. I have emailed the artist to see if he will ever do a reprint. The answer? Nope. I found one of the originals in a small art gallery in downtown SLC, but it is $400. Did I buy it? Nope.

Well, last night I was checking out Alex Pardee's blog, and guess what he is releasing????? 8" x 10" prints of his "Tonight, To Knight" piece. I definitely bought one! Now I just have to convince Ben that it is worth hanging in the house.

Aesop Rock

2011-07-28T12:47:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you know this, but I am totally and completely obsessed with Aesop Rock. He is a genius. I listen to his music almost exclusively. Recently he collaborated with DJ Big Wiz and Rob Sonic to form the hip-hop super group, Hail Mary Mallon. They released the album, "Are You Gonna Eat That?," and it is awesome. Seriously, seriously, seriously awesome.

Aesop is also the creative genius behind the awesome site, 900 Bats. I have blogged about it before, and if you haven't taken a look, well, don't be silly. Go look.

We have driven all the way to Boulder, Co (1054 miles round trip), and to Reno, Nevada (1038 miles round trip), just to see Aesop perform. I take his music so seriously that the man is one of my tests for a significant other, thankfully Ben passed; basically, if you can't boogie to Aesop, you aren't boogying with me.

Well, guess what? He is coming HERE! Here as in, Salt Lake City, Utah! This next trip to see Aesop Rock perform is only 47 miles, and that is round trip. He will be performing at the Urban Lounge, and if you like good music, you should go.

Me and Aesop in Boulder, CO

Must Have

2011-07-27T15:39:00.000-07:00

Fresh basil is a must have in our house! We use it in Thai food, omelettes, Italian food (obviously), and we even make BBTs (bacon, basil and tomato sandwiches). Ben and I have had a basil plant on our windowsill for as long as I can remember. Until now. Recently, we have been experiencing an earwig problem. I woke up with an earwig on my face. I was mortified. But worse than that, they are living in the basil!

We just chucked two beautiful, full plants because they were crawling with bugs and had fresh holes in the leaves. Our window looks so empty without the plants! Until the earwigs decide to leave our house, we'll just have to keep our basil in the fridge (stupid, fucking earwigs).

Thank You

2011-07-27T00:06:00.000-07:00

Ben,

Thanks for taking me to Wendy's at midnight... and Maverick to buy Talenti Gelato. Serious props for driving to Taco Bell after Wendy's, even though they weren't open.

And thanks even more for still wanting to have sex with me after you watched me eat half a pint of gelato and a junior bacon cheeseburger (all after crying).

With love,

Chels

Hives

2011-07-26T18:05:00.000-07:00

Today I had a very good friend start a conversation with, "I was going to stop being friends with you."
I broke out in hives when she said those words, and instantly choked back tears. The little voice in my head responded, "okay," but I didn't understand why she would think such an awful thing.

For the past two weeks my friend has been different, and I have been trying to figure out what happened, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I scoured over conversations to find if there was some detail that I was forgetting. I sent messages to no avail. I tried to make plans, nothing. Did I say something sarcastically that was interpreted wrong? Did I forget plans? Did I hug her husband too affectionately? I couldn't think of a single thing I had done.

I asked her what was wrong and she shared the details of my transgressions (after two weeks of the cold shoulder). As it turns out, she had misinterpreted some things and not talked to me about them. Mostly, she admitted, it was all in her head.

In my head I saw another friend slipping away.
I saw her husband, someone I call my best friend, disappearing.
In my head, her beautiful children whom I love very much were being taken from me.

I cried for about an hour in the bathroom at work. I was so blotchy and red that my co-workers were concerned. I tried really hard to keep my sadness in, but I couldn't.

Today was one of those really bad days, the ones where nothing goes right, and things suddenly take a catastrophic turn for the worst. I thought the time tested life pattern of loved ones abandoning me was happening again.

I cried at work, one of the worst places to cry. I cried so hard I was sweating, and I almost threw up. My friend and I are fine, but I can't shake the feeling from earlier, the worst feeling, the feeling I loathe more than most, the feeling of being expendable. The human mind and body can take some pretty serious torment and become accustomed to some fairly grueling conditions, but the feeling of being tossed aside, that is something I will never adapt to. Even just close calls, they hurt like the real thing.

Loving people can be hard, because you can't control how they love you in return, and I swear, that is one of the hardest things I have ever had to learn.

Love at the Bottom of a Bowl

2011-07-18T16:05:00.000-07:00

When I left The Ex I immediately felt a wave of panic; I thought, "shit, I lied! I don't want to be alone!." I thought I made the wrong choice by leaving him, and I cried. I was convinced that no one would ever love me again and that I was done with love forever. I was such a dramatic twenty year old.

I vividly remember crying aloud, "who is going to give me the half-popped popcorn kernels at the bottom of the bowl?" You see, I like popcorn, but I love those few little gems at the bottom of the bowl. They are salty, and crunchy, and half-popped, and delicious. I look forward to empty bowls with at least two or three crunchy kernels, and the Ex knew this. He didn't know much, but he knew this one thing. I didn't think anyone would ever know me so well that they would remember this stupid little fact, and that made me absolutely hysterical. Apparently in my panicked state I was willing to overlook narcissism, emotional and verbal abuse, physical intimidation, and general parasitic behavior, because it was so important how well The Ex knew my idiosyncrasies.

I told Ben this sad little story somewhere in the beginning of our relationship, and as it turns out, he was listening. I don't remember how long ago it was or the movie we were watching, but I vividly remember the first time Ben handed me the half-popped popcorn kernels while we were watching a movie on his couch. He knew it was a big deal. He just smiled, and said "I remembered."

He listened to my story. He committed that small detail to memory, and he was thoughtful enough to hand over the crunchy little morsels (he loves them too, which makes it even sweeter). The butterflies I felt in my stomach that day are similar to the ones I felt the first time Ben told me he loved me. Seriously, it meant that much.

We were watching movies this weekend, and he gave me the half-popped kernels. It still catches me off guard, and it always makes me smile.

All You Need

2011-07-14T10:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, all you need to turn a bad day around is a little bit of time alone in Target. And a new purse.

And a new Burt's Bees tinted lip balm:

Hilarious

2011-07-13T23:07:00.000-07:00

For once, this isn't political. This isn't liberal. This is just a link, and you should follow it and read one simple sentence that will make you laugh hysterically.

Where's Waldo?

2011-07-11T17:45:00.000-07:00

I have been missing in action for the past few weeks, and that is because I have been busy working out, watching movies, and just engaging in some general summer frolicking.

As of late Ben and I have been eating more snow cones and tacos than we should, but it has been worth every bite. We have also been eating too much frozen yogurt, especially Frogurt. Mmmmmm. There have been quite a few parties lately, and not enough homework! Eeeeek, but meh. I have a touch of senioritis, and I don't want to do a damn thing that is related to the world of academia, and that has included blogging (writing is academic, okay?!).

Normally I would try to give some really nice reviews and recommendations to my friends, and I would attempt to color those recommendations with vivid images, but that's not going to happen today. Here are my recommendations:

Eat at Finn's Cafe for some great Scandinavian Food. We tried their breakfast, and it was great. The location is cute, but our server sucked (our friends assured us that it was an extremely rare occurrence).

See Transformers 3. It is a Transformers movie, if you didn't like the first two you won't like the third. Shia Labeouf holding a gun, rocking plaid, and looking sexy make it worth it, oh, and they spend some time in D.C. Nuff said.

Check out our dear friends, Nat and Alek on A Yummy Life Photography's blog. Their engagement photos will make you feel warm inside, guaranteed. I can't wait for those two to get married. After our breakfast at Finn's I watched Alek open her car door, and I can't tell you how touched I was by this, they are completely in love and it is a joy to see.

Inappropriate

2011-06-24T12:31:00.000-07:00

Questions that you shouldn't ask:

"When are you having a baby?"

Never. Simple enough for ya? This question seems to always be preceded by rants about how much the activities for kids cost, the latest vomit or poop story, and talk about how romance has gone out the window because, "when you have kids, your priorities change." Here's a tip, if you want to convince someone to have kids, maybe you should invest in some eye cream to eliminate those bags under your eyes; just a thought, but really, the sleepless look and the aggravated rants aren't convincing anyone.

"How much money do you make an hour?"

This question will never be appropriate. Never, under any circumstance should you ask someone how much they make an hour. Seriously. Just don't.

"When are you getting married?"

The next person that asks me when I am getting married, (because this happens multiple times per week, usually by the same people), that person is getting punched in the face. When I answer "we're not in a hurry," or "I don't know," or "we're not ready for that," I don't appreciate the obvious scanning and the up and down looks. No, there isn't something wrong with my relationship. Thank you very much.

"Didn't you just have a baby?"

No, I didn't, but now I may have a desire to jump off of a building. Unless you saw a baby vacate my vagina, or I tell you I just had a baby, keep that one to yourself, stupid.

"What did he/she/you go to jail and/or prison for"

People make mistakes, and those mistakes are probably not something they want to relive with you. If you don't know, there is a reason you don't know. I hope the next person that I witness asking this questions gets the response, "I killed someone for asking me too much personal information."

Some questions should be left to your therapist, gynecologist, and best friends. Just some food for thought, people.

Sangria

2011-06-20T13:47:00.000-07:00

We had a barbecue to celebrate Father's Day, and Alexis' birthday, and I made Sangria for the first time! It was a huge hit, and I will definitely be doing it again. I made a red and a white Sangria. Definitely check out the recipe that I used!

For the best party sangria, you will need:

1 Bottle of red wine (Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Rioja, Zinfandel, Shiraz)
1 Lemon cut into wedges
1 Orange cut into wedges 1 Lime cut into wedges2 Tbsp sugar
2 Shots of gin or triple sec (I left this out)
1 Cup of raspberries or strawberries (may use thawed or frozen)
4 Cups ginger ale or club soda

Preparation:

Thinly slice all of the lemons, limes, and oranges, then give them a squeeze into the best pitcher you have, add the wine, and toss the fruit into the pitcher. Add the sugar, and chill overnight. Right before you serve add fresh strawberries, and the sparkling soda of your choice. I am telling you, it is delicious!

For the white Sangria you will need:

1 Bottle of white wine (Riesling, Albarino, Chablis, Gewurztraminer, Pinot Gris, Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc)
1/2 cup white sugar
3 oranges (sliced)
1 lemon (sliced)
1 lime (sliced)
2 cups of strawberries
1/2 liter of ginger ale or club soda (ginger ale for those with a sweeter tooth!)

Just as before, slice up the fruit and give it a squeeze into the pitcher with the wine. Stir in the sugar until dissolved, and chill over night. Just before serving add the ginger ale or club soda, and voila!

There wasn't a drop of either Sangria left, it was a real hit!

Bragging

2011-06-20T13:36:00.000-07:00

Today is my friend Alexis' birthday, and I hope she has the best day, because she deserves it more than she will ever know.

Alexis is:

funny
a certified personal trainer
a competition rock climber (previously ranked 10th in the U.S.)
caring
a professional belly dancer
smart; she has two honors degrees from The University of Texas at Austin
speaks multiple languages
is a 2X golden gloves champ (she made it to the finals four times total)
a bad ass muay Thai fighter
a total sweetheart.
an amazing pianist
a talented painter
a good listener
super gorgeous

Did I mention she is gorgeous, because she is absolutely and completely beautiful? I shit thee not, she has done all of that stuff, and she is all of those things, and she isn't even thirty. I hope her day is fabulous. I hope this year brings her tons of good fortune, and I hope to make some awesome memories with her in the years to come!

Gordon B. Hinckley

2011-06-17T09:23:00.000-07:00

I am about to quote one of the late prophets of the LDS church, bizarre, I know:

"True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well-being of one's companion."

The Life

2011-06-16T16:06:00.000-07:00

The life of a full-time college student, and a full-time employee is stressful, but it is also oddly enjoyable. One of the simple joys of college is falling asleep in the J. Willard Marriott library, they have the most comfortable chairs!

There is something to be said about the quality of sleep that you get when you pass out.

Watercress Salad

2011-06-14T21:42:00.000-07:00

Alright, this is a total no-brainer salad, and most of you have probably eaten it in restaurants (or maybe at home), but I am in love!

Ingredients:

Watercress (1 bunch per person)
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 lemon (per person)
Salt
Pepper
Parmesan Cheese (Optional)

Seriously, that is all. Chop the stalks off of the watercress, which is a wonderful and peppery little green, drizzle a healthy amount of olive oil over the top. Squeeze your lemons in with the greens, add salt and pepper to taste, and then toss. I didn't add parmesan (remember, I gained twenty pounds?), but I have had it before with this salad, and it is orgasmic. Make sure to get a quality cheese, and add some nice curls on top! Voila!

Seriously delicious, and so refreshing for summer!

Road Trip

2011-06-13T21:28:00.000-07:00

I went on a quick road trip this past weekend to help a friend move from Los Angeles to Salt Lake City, and we had an absolute blast! We flew into L.A., gathered up her things, hopped in her Lexus, and headed for Las Vegas!

We didn't arrive at our hotel, the Monte Carlo, until midnight. I immediately assumed it was too late for us to go out and see the city, but I was wrong. Clubs in Utah close at two, which is far from the case in Sin City. Oh, how naive.

We quickly threw on our clubbing attire, makeup, flat-ironed our hair, and we were out the door by 12:30!

This is the only picture we took

Just my luck, the first five minutes on the strip I almost smashed right into a guy that had a six foot snake draped around his shoulders. Really?! I'm pretty sure that is stressful for the snake, and people like me don't appreciate it. LEAVE YOUR REPTILES AT HOME, PEOPLE!

We met Alexis' friend, Jorge at The Palms, and he got is into two clubs, Moon and The Playboy Club, without a cover charge (thankfully, because it is ridiculously expensive!) It was cool to see the atmosphere in the club, but it was mostly just reaffirming that it isn't my scene. I can't believe there are people that live for that lifestyle! I suppose if I had one ounce of rhythm clubbing would be fun, but I don't, sooooo I mostly just feel like an idiot.

I literally saw a vagina while I was "dancing." I wanted to walk up to the girl and say "oh honey" as I tugged her skirt down.

Three shots of tequila cost $45...that is five dollars short of what I pay to get my hair cut and colored, with a tip! If I wasn't a starving student that wouldn't be a lot of money, but it is, and I almost just turned around and walked away when the lady told me the price! After some good alcohol, fun people watching, great dancing, meeting a cool new person, and laughing my ass of with Alexis, we went back to the room.

The night ended with us drinking water and eating vegetable chips in the hotel room (Alexis didn't think pants were necessary at this point, so she was walking around in zebra panties. Priceless.) I talked to Ben while Alexis passed out. By the time I climbed into bed, the sun was rising. I laid in the big, comfy hotel bed, and fell asleep, feeling like a rock star.

The drive home was fantastic! I mentioned that Alexis owns a Lexus, because she let me drive it all the way home, and it was the best driving experience of my life! Her car is quite the machine. We really bonded over the trip, and I can't wait to go on another trip with her!

Serenity

2011-06-10T13:54:00.000-07:00

My mom's house has always had a copy of the Serenity Prayer hanging on the wall, and I vividly and fondly remember the prayer being recited at AA meetings as a child. As an adult, I try to look to the prayer as a model. As an atheist, I interpret the message a tad differently, but the overall content is the same. I often find myself saying:

I will achieve serenity when I accept that there are things I cannot change; I will have the courage to change the things I can, and over time, I will acquire the wisdom to know the difference.

Who Do You Love?

2011-06-10T11:35:00.000-07:00

So, Ben left for Hawaii. He will be gone for two weeks, which is cool. He doodled a cute little countdown calendar on the whiteboard in our kitchen, and it made my heart melt. Now that he is gone people have been asking me nonstop if I miss him, and everyone seems to be asking, "how are you holding up with him gone?" I know that people mean well, and I know that he meant well with the calendar, but it all really made me think.

I felt a tad sad thinking about him being gone for two weeks, because I love him. I like coming home to him, and hearing about his day. However, I am not exactly devastated that he is gone. I go to school full-time, work full-time, have tons of friends, and have plenty of training, cooking, reading, and blog writing to do. I mean, really, it would be a bit pathetic if I was devastated or sad over two weeks of him being gone, right?

The sum of things has made me evaluate some stuff. I love him, and I love our life together. I like building our life together. We do fun stuff, and Ben is my best friend, but I have a lot more self-love now than I have ever had. Spending time alone isn't bad, in fact, it is kind of nice. I had a great day in class, and kicked some butt (Chelsea style) in jits last night. I was feeling great, and it continued when I went home to the empty house. I made myself a steak sandwich on some delicious fresh ciabatta bread, ate half of the juiciest cantaloupe that I have ever tasted (Harmon's produce department is the best!), watched a movie, read Cosmopolitan from cover to cover (mostly to gauge just how sexist this "female friendly" magazine is), and I splurged on a mini Haagen-Dazs ice cream.

Who do I love? I love tons of people. But, of all of the people that I love, I have really turned into my favorite.

Pride Weekend

2011-06-08T11:43:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I went downtown to celebrate Pride Day. Every year I go downtown and spend some quality time with close friends; we people watch, eat food, and I artfully try to dodge "snake guy" (you know, the one or two weirdos that bring their snakes to festivals).

I often hear people ask, "why is it okay for gay people to have 'gay pride,' we can't have 'straight pride?'" It is hard not to just tell those people to shut up. Every day is hetero-pride day. We have every day in which we don't have to worry about being fired, evicted, or physically assaulted because of our love, that is the benefit that I enjoy as a straight woman. I don't need a parade, the world is my hetero-fucking-oyster. HOWEVER, I also tell these people that Pride Weekend is for everyone. Seriously. It is a weekend about loving yourself. It is a weekend where no one hides.

People wear corsets, fishnet body suits, wigs, dresses, and all sorts of other crazy stuff. People talk about sex, drug addiction, their love, their children, god, family, and everything in between. It is one of the most beautiful sights that you can ever see in Salt Lake City. If you have never been, I highly recommend going.


This year the Grand Marshal was Roseanne Barr. So Cool!

This year's theme was, "Live. Love. Pride." Now that is a message I can get behind.

Summer Classes

2011-06-07T09:45:00.000-07:00

I have dropped off of the grid just a tad, and it is all the fault of my summer classes. I wish adults had summer breaks like elementary school children; Aaaaah, to reminisce about the days when I would steal change from my parents to get ice cream from the ice cream man!

Hapa Taqueria

2011-05-31T08:56:00.000-07:00

Before going to watch The Hangover Part II, we went to Hapa Taqueria for some food with our friends. This new restaurant is in the old Acme Burger building, and although I'm sad Acme is gone, this new place is great! They serve street-style tacos and botanas, or small snacks. I had a pork taco and two carne asada tacos, with some chips and guacamole. Ben had a chicken street-taco and a chicken quesadilla; we enjoyed every menu item that we purchased, and will definitely be going back. [For the next three weeks they are serving $1 tacos and super cheap tequila shots and draft beers ($1-3).]

As for The Hangover Part II, it was pretty much identical to the first (crude jokes, crazy antics, and Bradley Cooper's gorgeous hair). If you liked the first movie, the second shouldn't disappoint, but if you didn't like the first one (obviously) don't waste your time and money.

In other news, I am sick. I have been battling cold symptoms, and now flu symptoms for just over one week. Ugh, I can't wait to feel better and hit the gym (in a moment of truthful shame I have to admit that I have packed on twenty, yup, twenty pounds.) It is time to start eating like a healthy person again and working out (I give it two solid months and the weight will be gone, right?)

Going Back

2011-05-25T14:44:00.000-07:00

Ben may be going back to Maui for work again, which is something that conjures up mixed feelings. I will miss him terribly, but the money is really good, and he loves the place so much that it is hard to feel anything but happiness for him.

The past few weeks I have been thinking non-stop about our trip to Hawaii. I can't help but get butterflies when I think of the excitement of being picked up from the airport (it had been over a month since we had seen each other)! I also can't help but think of the overwhelming sadness that I felt on the ninth day when I had to leave Ben for another month. I cried the whole last day (off and on). My visit to Maui was the most extraordinary visit that I have ever experienced.

I am seriously considering applying to law school in Hawaii. I would love to go back and make a life there, even if it was just for a short period of time.

View from Hana Highway

Bamboo forest hike

Tune-Up

2011-05-23T17:35:00.000-07:00

I am taking the plunge, the therapy plunge! I made the call, and the first appointment is set! Ben, and my trusted friend, Natalie, rave about Karen Kindred and her work (take a gander at Nat's posts about Karen, and you'll want to see her!), so I'm going to see her this Friday. I am excited to learn new things from such an intelligent woman.

Too often we concentrate on our waistlines and our complexions, but not enough on our minds. I think that everyone should find a therapist that they can trust, and they should spend some time talking with someone that can help mediate their thoughts, and provide them with tools. I hope that Karen is a good fit!

Ben has this delightful change tin in his shop, it makes me laugh every time I see it!

Wanna Be A Victim?

2011-05-20T15:35:00.000-07:00

I think Katie Perry has catchy songs, and she is absolutely gorgeous. Have you heard her new song "E.T.?" I liked it when I first heard it, but I can't help but have problems with the lyrics: "wanna be a victim, ready for abduction." A lot of people may think that I am just being sensitive, but these lyrics are problematic. Who wants to be a victim? Actual victims don't ever want to be a victim again. Can you say, sexualized rape reference?

I have been thinking about the prevalence of rape and violence in our culture and couldn't help but notice this picture that No Weak Links Clothing uses for one of their promotions:

This is a picture of my teammate at Absolute MMA, Koffi Adzitso, and I mean no disrespect to him. I'm guessing he didn't think about the imagery; he has clearly been co-opted into the culture of masculinity as domination (this is not an attempt to smear his name, he is a nice guy).

My question is, when did this become okay? Koffi is from Togo, and he is living in a country that used to buy and sell people of African descent into slavery- now he is posing with a female in chains and standing over her like she is property? So fucked up.On so many levels.

The Funk

2011-05-20T09:22:00.000-07:00

I have been desperately and hopelessly sad this week. I think it is the weather. I think it is the lack of gym time. These short periods of sadness are completely normal, and are just one of the features of life, but I'm ready for it to stop.

Yesterday had some highs and (core of the earth) lows. The highs for the day were: (1) taking Logan to the Nickelcade and Baskin Robbins for his birthday. WIN; (2) going to Mekong Cafe with Cam, Tse, Jarom, Sofia, Vanessa, and Ben. BIGGER WIN. (3) Tse bought us a great piece of art for the house. I don't have a picture, but it is calligraphy on a fantastic, thick worn piece of parchment. There are hand drawn ivy leaves and open books surrounding one of the most beautiful quotes ever:

The library connects us with the insight and knowledge, painfully extracted from Nature, of the greatest minds that ever were, with the best teachers, drawn from the entire planet and from all our history, to instruct us without tiring, and to inspire us to make our own contribution to the collective knowledge of the human species. I think the health of our civilization, the depth of our awareness about the underpinnings of our culture and our concern for the future can all be tested by how well we support our libraries. ~Carl Sagan, Cosmos

I need to focus on the happy things from the week. Ugh.

DSK, IMF, WTF?

2011-05-18T10:55:00.000-07:00

The head of the International Monetary Fund has been accused of attempted rape and sexual assault. Dominique Strauss-Kahn's (DSK) attorneys say that their defense will be one based upon consent. Am I shocked at this line of defense? No. In light of the accusation, another woman has stepped forward and recounted an attempt at rape that occurred ten years ago. Again, am I shocked? No.

DSK has been arrested, and is in solitary confinement at Rikers Island Jail. Good.

Look, I get it, "alleged" criminal. I am all about defendant's rights, but the fact of the matter is, if someone was accused of robbing this poor woman from Guinea, the assailant would be in the same position (jail, where he belongs). He has been accused of one of the gravest violations of another human being. Inga Mucio describes the traumatic and suffocating feelings that a rape victim encounters in her book "Cunt," and I couldn't agree more:

It feels as though someone took a shit right on your soul. And you will spend the rest of your life trying to clean it off in whatever way you see fit. Some of us never get clean. Some of us just give up. Some of us kill ourselves; the ultimate clean...ridding our souls of the body that was tainted by the ugly act of hate…

I have been hearing stories all over the news about this story, and all of the newsworthy bits seem to be surrounding who will take over the IMF. It is reasonable to wonder who will replace this bastard, I mean, this guy. BUT, where is the story about this woman? I don't mean details about her as an individual; where are the professionals that could capitalize on this headline news story, and use it as a learning tool for the public?

I am scared for this woman. I am scared what a trial will do to her emotional well-being. I am scared because she is scared. I am scared that she is contemplating the "ultimate clean" that Mucio describes. Stories like this scare me because I hate living in a world where women and children are raped (men also experience rape, and that is not something I'm attempting to trivialize). I want people to talk about her healing-the stuff that happens outside of the courtroom.

Sadly, this story is all too typical. A man attempts or successfully rapes a woman. The first victim doesn't speak up, because she doesn't want her reputation to be tainted. We blame the victim (that's why I never spoke up, and that's why most of the victims I know never said a damn thing). The victim is often on trial in rape cases; it is a sad and understandable fact that women are afraid to speak up. BUT, rape is a serial crime. If someone is willing to attempt, or successfully commit rape once, they will likely do it again. We need to find our voice. I am so proud of the brave woman that immediately went to the authorities. It may not seem like it now, but you did the right thing. You did the right thing.

This story, this horrific event that happened, it could be a learning tool.

Women who experience sexual violence are likely to experience depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and the like. Victims of sexual violence need counseling after they are brutalized. If you seek counseling you don't have to prosecute- that should be the story that is splashed on the front of news pages. You can get help in a private setting; there are people that will believe you and they will not force you to engage in any part of the prosecution process, unless you ask for their help to do so.

This isn't your fault. That's what I want to hear from news agencies. It is never the victim's fault.

The victim of this crime is a minority, she worked in a service-job; here his is a prime example of the sad and true fact that class and race intersect with gender in negative ways more often than not. Racism and sexism intersect, and in a world where violence is a cultural norm, that intersection is the breeding ground for a huge problem Rape is the symptom of a larger problem. Where is this information on NPR? (In all fairness, I may have missed some of these stories, but they should be so prevalent at a time like this that they are impossible to miss.)

I hope that the women attacked by DSK get help. I hope that the media treats them kindly, and I hope that this story is used in such a way that the public can learn about this problem. I hope that this story leads to a dialogue about solutions, and not just solutions for interim leadership at the IMF.

It is never too late to tell someone. For those of you in Utah, we have a crisis center that you can call. Call the number listed below, or visit the site below for some resources.

For the national hotline call: 800-656-HOPE(4673) or visit the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network online.

God of Thunder

2011-05-17T17:25:00.000-07:00

I heard mixed reviews about the new movie Thor, but gave it a go anyway, and I was pleased. To be fair, I like Marvel, so I'm not exactly a hard sell when it comes to this particular type of movie; however, the costumes were cool, the story is good, the effects were well-done, Natalie Portman is gorgeous, Stellan Skarsgard is delightful, and Chris Hemsworth is a sight to behold! Seriously, it was worth the nine dollars just to see his abs:

The pictures just don't do it justice! I would pay to go see it again...

A Parent's Love

2011-05-15T13:13:00.000-07:00

Two of my best friends from high school just welcomed babies into the world. Teegan Miller and Maddix Champion have daddies that used to skip school at my house, and raid my mom's fridge. Out of our core group of friends: Trent = married and a homeowner, Andrew = Married and a homeowner, Tyson = Parent and a homeowner, Zacc = Parent, and Chelsea, well, Chelsea = Student? I know it is a culture thing (specific to Utah), and I'm doing stuff in the right order, but sometimes it feels like I am getting left behind. Sometimes it feels like I'm not a "real" adult without a marriage certificate and a mortgage.

Life has changed so much from the days when my mom used to yell at me, "Trent, Tyson, and those other boys are eating us out of house and home!" In all fairness, they were. Now, those boys are dads.

Congrats, Guys!

Camrann summed up being a parent today in what I can imagine are some of the truest words ever written, "My poor daughter. I doubt she'll ever find a man who loves her as much as I do right now. Everything gets complicated as people grow more complex but I have the luxury of pure uncomplicated unconditional unwavering love. That why we have kids; in order to experience that with another human being." ~~(Kind of makes me contemplate kids in the distant future.)~~

His and Hers

2011-05-13T13:41:00.000-07:00

Last night was fantastic, I went to my third muay Thai class in a row (I'm slowly getting back into shape)! After class we went to Rumbi Island Grill for some quick dinner. Unfortunately for Rumbi, I noticed this little gem of a sign on the door, do you see anything wrong with it?

I do! Why can't the size just be large or small? Now, if I'm super hungry, I have to order "his." If he's not hungry, he has to order the "hers." Maybe the girl is the same size as the guy, and their caloric intake is equal.

The perpetuation of the "dainty" female myth is old and just plain annoying. The pressures that women feel to watch their weight is constant (not to diminish the body images being stuffed down the throats of men), and advertising like this reminds women to stay in their place and fulfill their role. Remember, you are a lady, and you should make the right choice and eat less calories than the man at the table. Thanks, Rumbi, I almost ordered the same size meal as "my man," how silly of me!

I remember going on dates was always a lesson in choices at the dinner table-do I get a salad? How much do I eat, do I take my leftovers home? I wonder why I had those crazy thoughts??

The only damn thing that makes these dishes different is their size. Next time, assholes, just call it a large or a small, because (newsflash) sexual size dimorphism is on the decline in the human species! I will definitely be emailing their marketing department.

Mmmmmm

2011-05-10T14:14:00.000-07:00

When I started writing this blog I made myself a promise. I yelled the promise in my head, "THIS IS MY BLOG, I WILL NOT WRITE SOLELY ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH BEN!!!" I can be super demanding (bitchonwheels). I'm completely breaking that rule, sort of, again...

All day long I have been recounting last night in my head. Some nights are so wonderful, so satisfying, and so special, that your mind just keeps going back there. I won't share intimate details, because that would just be rude, but let me tell you, being an adult is great. Trust manifests itself in some of the simplest ways. Intimacy is great, and naked intimacy is even better.

Living with Ben is great. Laughing with Ben is great. Laying on the floor and reading my new book while Ben folds the laundry is great! When Ben lays down on the floor and spoons me, and I put my book down to turn around and make eye-contact while we talk, that is great. Having days that I can't stop thinking about Ben, and it has been two years since our first date, that is awesome.

That is all.

Sometimes the News Can Make You Happy

2011-05-10T08:44:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago while I was reading the news Ben asked, "Is the world going to hell in a hand cart?" I tried to recall one, just one, positive detail from the New York Times that I could share with him. I couldn't recount one positive story from my readings and that made me sad. I am trying to find something beautiful-something hopeful-every day when I read the news.

Today, I read a great article about the drop in infant death rates in Zambia. The drop can be attributed to a pilot program that trains midwifes on basic diagnostic and resuscitation procedures. Total, the project cost $20,244, and saved an estimated 97 lives. That is a story that I like to hear.

Here is a small excerpt from the article:

"The researchers compared survival rates among 20,000 babies born before the teaching and 20,000 afterward. The first-week death rate among babies had dropped by almost half, they found, to 6.8 deaths per 1,000 live births from 11.5 deaths."

The birth attendant below is using a clay stethoscope to monitor a baby's heart rate.

Lynn Johnson/National Geographic, via Getty Images

Nectar of the Belgian Gods

2011-05-09T20:27:00.000-07:00

I am not much of a drinker. I especially don't like beer. However, I could drink Lindeman's Lambic Peach beer all day! According to the Lindeman's site, " Lambics are a complex family of beers, which include dry aperitif beers, full-bodied dinner beers and fruity dessert beers." That sounds like something for everyone, don't you agree?

If you like beer, and you like fruit, run to the liquor store (and if you don't live in whacko Utah, run to your local gas station) to buy a few bottles of this stuff!

Water for Elephants

2011-05-09T16:08:00.000-07:00

For Mother's Day we took my mom to see Water for Elephants, she has been wanting to go, and today her wish was granted. Begrudgingly, I made the plans and dragged my little brother to the theater with me and Ben. You see, we have all been bombarded with Robert Pattinson crap since before the premiere of Twilight, and well, if you have seen any of those dreadful movies, the thought of R-Pats as the lead role is kind of dismal. But, I took my "Twi-hard" mother to the movie, and I am so glad that we went!

Water for Elephants follows a young Jacob Janakowski (Pattinson) who loses both of his parents in a car crash on the day he is taking his licensing final to become a veterinarian from Cornell. After being left with nothing he hops on a train and is taken in by circus workers. What ensues is a dramatic unraveling of love, lust, violence, animal abuse, and eventually a great love story. Reese Witherspoon plays Marlena, the wife of August (Christoph Waltz), the owner of the Benzini Bros. Circus. Marlena has your typical rags to riches tale that has trapped her with the jealous and crazy August. August is a tyrant, forever yearning to outdo Ringling Bros., and keep his wife squarely by his side. You will hate August, love Jacob, and be in awe of Reese Witherspoon's looks the whole movie! I cried twice, and laughed a lot. If you want a good love story, the movie is worth a $9 ticket.

The Chocolate and Brylea's Birthday

2011-05-08T12:47:00.000-07:00

On Saturday we took Brylea out for her 8th birthday celebration! Ben and I decided that having four siblings must mean that you are constantly fighting for attention, fighting to be heard (Ben knows this, he is one of five), and because we recognize this, we're taking each kid out for a solo birthday date. Each date will be different, and each kid will get some time with two listening adults.

Our first birthday date was with Brylea! We took Brylea to a bakery in West Jordan called "The Chocolate." This is one of two locations, and I have wanted to go, so this was a perfect time. The bakery is inside of a small cottage-style house that has been converted into a quaint oasis in the middle of West Jordan. The decor is fabulous! As usual, we didn't have a camera, so camera-phone pictures will have to do (I'm not a photographer, so the picture quality isn't likely to improve, ever).

This is the birthday girl, Brylea. She talked and talked and talked...it was great.

Great, the inside of the place was fabulous, but how was the food?

Well, I wish I could say better things, but I would give the taste of our treats a B grade. The Brooklyn Blackout Cake slice that I had was kind of dry and the cake was bland, and Ben's Chocolate Peanut Butter Chip Cookie was just plain bad. However, the lemon square was delicious, and so was the mint chocolate brownie and the huge cup of coffee that we ordered. So 2 of 5 menu items were sub-par...which as far as I'm concerned means that I will definitely try the place again, but I can't quite recommend it to anyone that I know.

After the bakery we took Brylea to the dollar store and she bought some Mother's Day presents. Brylea is a sweetheart, it was her birthday date and the first thing she asked was, "can we go buy my mom something for tomorrow, I have $5 from the Easter egg hunt." On her day, that sweet little girls spent every dollar she had on her mom. I was happy to go with her and pick out trinkets.

After shopping we went to a soccer game to watch her little brother and sister play. Brylea seemed to have a good time, which was really all that mattered. The next birthday date is with Logan, and I must say, I'm excited to visit the dinosaur museum!

Good Eats

2011-05-08T10:38:00.000-07:00

Wednesday was my last final!!! To celebrate we went to the gym, and I did a little muay Thai, while Ben did a little jiu-jitsu. My leg is finally healed, so I can kick with both shins! It is such a good feeling to not be broken!

After the gym we celebrated the end of the semester with some barbeque! We went to Goodwood Barbeque in Draper. I had never been, but everyone that I know loves this place, and I can't say that I disagree after going. Goodwood BBQ, Co. has a handful of locations in Utah and Idaho; the food is reasonably priced and delicious; the service is amazing, and it is clean and well-decorated.

To start, we ordered the "small" spinach and artichoke dip. The bread that it comes with is to die for!

I ordered the brisket sandwich with a side of fries, I drenched both items in their delicious "Sweet and Sassy" sauce. Let me just tell you, I am a sucker for brisket. Brisket is something that you can eat with your fingers (always a plus in my book, I eat like a caveperson), and you can smother it in sweet and spicy sauces, what could be better? The bread they served the sandwich on was delicious, and the red onion they served it with complemented it so well. Everything on the plate, down to the pickle, was delicious. I stuffed myself after a hard workout and I still had half of the sandwich left...the sandwich tasted even better in the morning!

Ben's plate was massive! He went for the platter with pulled pork, brisket, potato salad, and barbeque baked beans. The pulled pork was divine, and so was the potato salad! I'm not a huge fan of beans, but the beans were good too! Again, the portions were gigantic!

Our server was amazing, if our drinks dropped even the slightest, she swooped in with a new one, and then when someone else would walk by, they'd remove the empty glass. It is nice to see good customer service that is alive and well. That being said, the service was good without being too in your face. Now that I know how good the food is, we'll definitely be visiting there more.

The Vintage Pearl

2011-05-05T14:30:00.000-07:00

The Vintage Pearl is an absolutely adorable site! I purchased this wonderful necklace for my mom for Mother's Day:

Right now there is a 15% off coupon code that the site accepts, just enter the phrase, Parenting15. I saved $10 on my order! I can't wait for it to arrive!

Nothing Nice to Say

2011-05-05T11:00:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't read, the U.S. House of Representatives approved H.R. 3, the, "“No Taxpayer Funding for Abortions” bill. "The bill enacts provisions that would effectively ban abortion coverage by insurers and allow health care providers to refuse to perform an abortion for any reason, even if the woman needing the abortion’s life is in danger" (Feministing.com).

Thankfully, the President, the President that I voted for, is brave enough to let everyone know that he will veto the bill if it makes it through the Senate. Here is a great video of Representative Nancy Pelosi, and her response to the proposed bill:

One day, I hope that the United States can take the position of Supreme Court Justice Harry Blackmun (author of the majority opinion in Roe v. Wade, 1973). The abortion issue needs to be examined through the lens of medicine, science-based medicine, not emotional reactions based upon faith.

Shepherd's Pie With Cauliflower Puree

2011-05-04T07:20:00.000-07:00

When I was younger my Uncle Charlie had a girlfriend, Sinead. Sinead was from Ireland, shocker. Her accent was beautiful, but as a kid, I hated her cooking. I remember her cooking shepherd's pie, and I vividly recall refusing to eat it. Meat + the word "pie" = SICK (to a kid in elementary school).

Now, I have a recipe for shepherd's pie that Camrann gave me, and it is permanently cataloged as a go-to recipe!

Ingredients:

1 medium yellow onion
1 lb ground beef (we have been using elk)
1 cup thawed frozen green beans
1 cup thawed frozen peas and carrots
3/4 cup beef stock
1 head of cauliflower
Extra virgin olive oil
1 Tbsp thyme
1 Tbsp rosemary
2 cloves of garlic
1 Tbsp flour
3 Tbsp cream
Salt and pepper to taste
1 Cup grated cheddar cheese (this part is optional, depending on the desired calories)
Butter (also optional)

First things first, cut the green bits off of the cauliflower and cut it into chunks. Plop the cauliflower into salted, boiling water until it is tender. Drain the cauliflower and put it into a blender. While the cauliflower is cooling, dice and saute the medium onion in some olive oil. Add salt and pepper,your two diced cloves of garlic, and the rosemary and thyme. Once the onions are translucent, add your meat and brown it up (this should be quick).

Next, add both cups of thawed veggies and cook for about five minutes. To thicken up the meat mixture, I add the 3/4 cup of stock and the 1 Tbsp of flour together into a Pyrex measuring cup, and whisk it together. Once the two are mixed, stir it into the meat and let it simmer for five minutes. The flour helps bind the pie contents, and if you add it dry, it turns into lumps.

While the flour is working its magic, add salt, pepper, a touch of olive oil, and the cream to your cauliflower. Puree the cauliflower until it is the smooth. The mixture should resemble mashed potatoes.

Remove the meat mixture from the stovetop and spoon it into a 9"x9" pan, then spread the cauliflower puree over the top. Here is where the recipe changes based upon your diet. Sometimes I sprinkle one cup of cheese on top of the puree, and other times I just dot the top with little bits of butter. Pick one. If you choose to leave both out, the dish tastes like it is missing something (trust me, I know). Some people add paprika for color, I don't, though, I suspect it wouldn't hurt.

Put your pie into a preheated oven at 375F for 35-40 minutes. Let the pie rest for about ten minutes when you pull it out of the oven, and serve!

Seriously, it is delicious!

Sisters

2011-05-03T12:38:00.000-07:00

Last night we celebrated the eighth birthday of Ben's niece, Brylea. There is a significance surrounding Brylea's age because in the Mormon faith a child is baptized at eight. Ben's family members are Mormon fundamentalists (not to be confused with the FLDS sect), and they are extremely excited about the event. I was just excited to see a kid open presents...

I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but Ben's family believes in the opposite of the things I do (in almost all instances). Anytime politics are mentioned, I keep my mouth shut. Ben's mom recently brought up the California law that mandates teaching LGBT history, and immediately stated, "I just hope this doesn't get in the way of teaching about Caucasian contributions." With her delightful comment my head was immediately filled with words like racism, white-supremacy, xenophobia, homophobia, sexism, and the like, but I just listened.

I fear that one day the listening will stop, and inevitable conversations will have to occur- I am avoiding that day with all of my might.

You see, when it comes to topics like abortion and same-sex marriage, these things aren't just parlor talk. I have experienced sexual assault and my best friend is gay. When the topic of "welfare moms" comes up, I think of the year we spent on welfare. I think of "Sub For Santa," visits to the welfare office, and the wonderful job placement program that found employment for my mom (she worked her way up from a secretary to the president of the company). I am more than willing to lose relationships when it comes to disagreements on certain topics, and whether you believe that makes me irrational or not, it is the truth.

I am avoiding the topics that mean the most to me, because I love Ben's family. I love his nieces and nephews. I love his cousins, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. I love them so much that I care what they think. Ben's grandpa looked me square in the eyes last night, and told me he loved me. I melted inside. Just mentioning his grandpa and grandma makes me feel nice.

After the birthday party, we were sitting around talking about taking a girl's trip to Vegas, and I was genuinely excited about the idea of spending time with Ben's sister, Merrilea, and his sister-in-laws, Caitlin and Kate. Not surprisingly, the topics of gambling, smoking, drinking, and free porn on the strip came up. I assured them that we could avoid all of the things that make them uncomfortable, and two of the girls explained that they are comfortable with gambling, and might even play some slots. There were some reasoned explanations about the complexity of life, and how their moral code means vigilance, but they don't expect insulation; comments like that give me hope, comments like that make me feel comfortable.

I don't have sisters, and my family is bat shit crazy, so it is nice to spend time with people that are calm, nice, and loving. Ben's family is extremely normal. Ben's family is extremely welcoming to me.

Even though we couldn't be more different if we tried, I am excited to have girls that I can call my sisters. I hope that the listening never stops, and that the day I start talking, their listening starts.

Dishes

2011-05-02T12:58:00.000-07:00

I am obsessive when it comes to cleaning our kitchen. I wipe down the counters, stove, and fridge every day. I love to cook and you can't cook in a dirty kitchen. You just can't. That is the rule. When I wake up to dirty dishes in the sink, it makes me feel stress (thanks for the idiosyncrasy , Mom). I am usually so diligent with keeping the kitchen clean, but every once in a while, stuff just adds up! You can tell how busy our schedule is by how full the sink is. This week was finals week, and this is the result:

The King's Speech

2011-04-30T16:52:00.000-07:00

We have been slacking when it comes to keeping up to date with movies, and last night we finally saw, "The King's Speech." By now everyone has probably read multiple reviews and knows the plot, so I won't ramble. It is about King George VI and his ascension to the throne. As the figurehead of the British government the King (Colin Firth) can not declare war, levy taxes, or anything of much government importance, but he is expected to give speeches that rally the people. Sounds like a simple job, unless you have a debilitating stutter. The movie follows King George VI on his journey to find his voice with an unlikely speech pathologist. The movie will make you laugh, cry, and ends up leaving you feeling triumphant (the movie cleaned up at The Academy Awards). Seriously, hurry up and rent it if you haven't watched it, or do what we did, and visit Cinemark Sandy Movies 9 Theater. Tickets for evening shows are $2.00, and if you want to smuggle in snacks, there is a great dollar store right next door.

We went on a date after a hard workout at the gym, and with snacks from the store, a movie popcorn ($6.75!), and the tickets, we spent well under $20. Next up, we're going to see "The Adjustment Bureau" at the same theater!

Spaghetti Puttanesca

2011-04-29T09:35:00.000-07:00

I have been watching Jamie Oliver's show, "Oliver Twist" lately, and last night on my way home from the gym I was inspired to try one of his simple pasta dishes. I love to cook, and the flavors that he uses just seem so perfect. I had to give his quick spaghetti puttanesca a try:

Ingredients (slightly modified to my taste):

1 pound (455 grams) dried spaghetti, the best you can get
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped (I used three)
1 handful capers, drained
2 handfuls big black olives, pitted
12 anchovy fillets
Crushed red pepper flake, to taste
1 tablespoon dried oregano
Extra-virgin olive oil
2 cans of whole tomatoes
2 good handfuls of fresh basil
Freshly ground black pepper

(These are the instructions that I have written for the sake of clarity.) To start let the garlic brown just a tad in some extra virgin olive oil, but be careful, if you let garlic burn it turns horribly bitter. Drain your olives, capers, and anchovies-then toss them in the pan. Next comes the oregano, chilies, and pepper. Let that cook on medium heat for just a few minutes, and then add both cans of tomatoes, give it a stir, and let it simmer on low-medium heat for about ten minutes. You shouldn't need to add salt, the ingredients used in the dish are salty enough. The anchovies are beautiful, they melt in the pan and create a beautiful sticky feel to all of the ingredients. Mmmmmm!

To cook the spaghetti, make sure you have a big pot, and add a healthy pinch or two of salt to the water. Let your pasta cook until it is "al dente," which means "to the teeth" (roughly). Pasta cooks after you pull it off the heat, and if your spaghetti still has a little bite to it when you test it, it will be perfect on the plate. Make sure you don't rinse your pasta, and leave just a bit of water in the pot. Drizzle some good extra virgin olive oil in the spaghetti (not the stuff you cook with), and add the two handfuls of basil (give it a tear before you add it). Toss the spaghetti and the sauce, then serve.

This dish took about fifteen minutes, and it was a huge hit in our house. My only complaint was that it didn't have any meat in it! I'm thinking of cooking up some Italian sausage on the side next time, I'll have to let you know how that goes!

According to Jamie Oliver, don't use parmesan, but the contributors to "Olive Juice" did.

Brave

2011-04-28T10:25:00.000-07:00

I took a class this semester that turned out better than I ever could have imagined. The class is called "Gender and Contemporary Issues," and it was amazing. I have made a couple friends in the class, and have developed a great relationship with an awesome professor. At the end of the semester students from the 001 section of the class were required to give a presentation about what they have learned and how it has changed their lives. I never expected to hear the things I did in class that day.

There is a girl in my class named Collette, and Collette just submitted a post to "fbomb" and her submission was published on the site. Collette is brave, smart, beautiful, and kind, and I am hopeful that we will have a great friendship in the future. Here is her post:

Dear Feminism,

In case no one has told you recently, you are a loaded gun. Some see you as a helpless victim, pulling your woman card and begging for your right to abortion, always complaining about your time spent in front of a hot stove. Others see you as a butch, bullying your way into careers rightfully belonging to men. Seems like you’re always burning bras, abusing your right to free speech, and holding offensive picket signs. Many consider you a flaming lesbian, or at least Hilary Clinton’s part time lover. You whine, you refuse to let him open your door, and you can pay for your own damn dinner. In fact, you’re a full blown man eater.
I have heard these rumors. I see the news; I hear the jokes over the radio. I hear men and women gripe about the state you’re in, but I believe there is more to you than this. I have come to know you in a way I wish everyone could see. It’s complicated and a bit messy, and I think this is why you’re portrayed in such negativity.
You understand that our society, economic state, culture, language, and traditions are based around a system. This system has shaped our thoughts and attitudes, which then dictate our beliefs and actions. This system is involved in the delicate and intimate details of our lives, as well as the political and social. We are all participants who play the part in the bigger picture that created us.
It isn’t enough for you to merely understand this system; you question and then challenge it. You challenge a system that demands boys and girls to develop differently, that allows us to turn women and sex into profit, and that supports degradation and violence and fear. All of the small details, that many believe are insignificant, like the differences in boys and girls’ play, schooling, adolescent expectations, advertising, body image and the media, gender roles, etc.- you challenge these things and are scorned for it.
I haven’t always known you so well. If only I could have understood you better when I was younger, and allowed a boy to make me believe my looks were my most important asset. If only I could have known you as I first became a teenager and allowed boys to make comments about my growing body. The neighbor boys I spent time with had a rating scale for girls. Three numbers: her face, her midsection, and her legs and backside. After hearing the ratings for the prettiest girls in my grade, they turned to me, noticed I, too, was a girl, and gave me three numbers: 4-6-8. The most interesting part of this is that I hoped they would rate me and give me high numbers. I willingly participated in a system that valued me only for what my body had to offer.
Perhaps if I had known you better, I would have known what to do when the neighbor boy sexually assaulted me, instead of feeling like a helpless victim, not speaking up as it happened again and again. It took hearing the rape talk in health class for me to understand exactly what had happened to me that spring.
If I had understood you better, I’m sure I wouldn’t have kept dating boys who were emotionally and physically abusive, and who talked down to me to keep me weak. I know I would have been safer, made better choices about who to get in the car with, and stood up for myself. I would have understood I had a right to be treated with respect. Maybe if those boys had known you, the real you, they wouldn’t have treated me that way in the first place.
Now that I understand you, life is different. Though I have felt opposition, I’m still in school instead of getting pregnant right away. I know I can do whatever I choose, whether it’s a career or a homemaker’s life, and I know you support me in either choice. When a group of men tell me a woman can’t say no after a certain point, I raise my voice and disagree. When a family member makes a joke about degrading sex or women, I talk to him about why it’s not funny. I may not be on the front lines holding an offensive picket sign, but I am trying to make small changes and to communicate with those around me. I believe that by making these small changes, we can all better the system we are part of. Nothing will change overnight, but education will make the small changes that can spread.

Sincerely yours,

Collette

Light at the End of the Tunnel

2011-04-27T10:37:00.000-07:00

The semester has been great (I only have two more papers and one final), but things get a little hectic at the end. I had one of the best study groups that I can recall on Saturday. We didn't get a damn thing done, but we drank some margaritas, ate bread, and completely decompressed. Sometimes you need to just say, "screw it!" and take a day off.


This is my study partner and friend, Jessica, and those are margaritas.

Equal Pay Day

2011-04-13T12:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Equal Pay Day, which means that your average woman will have earned (by April 12, 2011) the equivalent earnings of men in 2010...she just needs an extra 102 days to do it!! I highly recommend reading the "Good" blog's take on how to earn like a man.

Then, check out the Department of Labor's stats on employment for women in 2009, and when you are done, read this piece of white-privileged-capitalist-conservative-drivel, that the WSJ passed off for news.

After all is said and done, and you have read enough about labor statistics-the statistics that uncover the place of women in our patriarchal society-you should take a good long look at my favorite lady (one of them), Hillary Clinton:

Remember, things may be bad, but we have come a long way.

My Monkeysphere

2011-04-12T14:00:00.000-07:00

A few months ago I read an article about how people comprehend relationships, it referred to our social circle as a "monkeysphere," and it was hilarious. Although the article is hilarious, it is based upon facts, and is definitely worth a read. The main premise is: as human beings we can only conceptualize up to 150 homosapiens as actual people, and the closer those people are to you in your monkeysphere, the more you would care if they died. David Wong refers to the sanitation worker in your neighborhood- he/she isn't a person, but "the thing that makes the trash go away." Particularly hilarious are references to our interaction in large groups versus intimate situations:

"Think about this the next time you get really pissed off in traffic, when you start throwing finger gestures and wedging your head out of the window to scream, 'LEARN TO FUCKING DRIVE, FUCKER!!' Try to imagine acting like that in a smaller group. Like if you're standing in an elevator with two friends and a coworker, and the friend goes to hit a button and accidentally punches the wrong one. Would you lean over, your mouth two inches from her ear, and scream 'LEARN TO OPERATE THE FUCKING ELEVATOR BUTTONS, SHITCAMEL!!'

They'd think you'd gone insane. We all go a little insane, though, when we get in a group larger than the Monkeysphere. That's why you get that weird feeling of anonymous invincibility when you're sitting in a large crowd, screaming curses at a football player you'd never dare say to his face."

The combination of the monkeysphere article and the earthquake in Japan (odd combo, I know), have led me to evaluate the people that I really care about in my life.

I have come to the conclusion that if there is an earthquake in Utah, you know, the one everyone talks about- I only need four people to live: Ben, Braeden (my little brother), my mom, and my dad. Do I care if other people that I love survive an earthquake? Yes. Do I need my best friend to survive a natural disaster? Well, yeah...but if I am going to be honest (and you probably feel the same), the number of survivors that I need is small relative to the amount of people that I love. I cherish my friends, family, even my ridiculous co-workers, and fellow students, but I really only feel like I NEED those four people.

I might be a callous human-being, but I suspect that I'm not, and everyone has similar feelings on the issue. All of these musings were recently exacerbated when Ben confessed that he has a lump in his ribs that has been hurting. He then confessed that he has a lump in his elbow, and I found one in his pectoral (breast self-examinations aren't just for women), and it was in those discoveries that I realized how fragile my heart, and my monkeysphere truly are. I cried when he showed me the lump in his elbow. Three lumps must be cancer. I am so happy, and now Ben is going to die. My mind is a crazy place to live, and those were the conclusions that I jumped to.

I made an appointment for a dermatologist, and Ben just went in today. The lumps are absolutely harmless, and he's getting the one on his ribs removed on Friday. No big deal, the appointment lasted ten minutes, but when he called me on my way from school to work, and told me that he was fine, I cried. It turns out, I love one monkey waaaay more than all of the rest.

I hope "the big one" hits Utah after I'm dead, because I can't imagine losing one of my precious monkeys.

Paintballing

2011-04-05T15:21:00.000-07:00

Saturday (the 2nd) was Camrann's birthday, and his fabulous wife planned a surprise paintball party in Morgan, UT, at Action Center Paintball. I must admit, I was afraid to go. I have heard horror stories about the pain associated with paintballing, and was terrified to get hit. The first game, I stayed behind a bunker and screamed, "this is stupid," and didn't fire my gun once! I was shot in the knee the second game, and I'm still sporting a bruise from the impact. I'm not sure that the amount of fun was worth the anxiety and pain, but I think I need to give it another go before I make a fair assessment.

Thankfully, I had the courage to move by the third game, and I even shot and "killed" Pedro (my badass black belt bjj instructor). I only shot one person, but that was all I needed to feel satisfied with my participation.

If you get a chance to go to Action Center, I highly recommend it! The shooting areas were well set up, and it was a lot of fun to be outside and play around for hours. The employee that was running the place for the day played with us, and was gracious enough to let us play for two hours beyond what we paid for. The only downside to paintballing is the cost of paintballs- the group purchased five cases of paint at $64 per case...you do the math. It can be a tad pricey, but it was worth every penny, just don't be lured in by the low cost to rent the field.

We ate sandwiches and Vanessa The Scientist baked a delicious carrot cake, it was a fantastic birthday party for one of the best guys that I know! Happy Birthday, Cam!


Pedro, Cam, Tseitel, and Ben loading their guns.

Take Back The Night

2011-03-29T21:50:00.000-07:00

I just started a new book for a research paper, it is called, "Addressing Rape Reform In Law and Practice" by Susan Caringella. I just have to share the prologue from the book, warning, it is disturbing (but please don't let that stop you from reading):

After researching rape and sexual assault for years, many of us build a seemingly impermeable shell that is sometimes alarmingly effective. Yet, from time to time, something about a case strikes like a lightning bolt to remind us of the utter atrocity of these crimes, like babies, only months old, found with objects in their vaginas or rectums or with HIV or gonorrhea in their throats.

We must never end the struggle for justice for all those victimized by these vile crimes.

I am afraid to delve further into this book, but in order to protect the victims Caringella describes, we must face the facts.

If you have missed the recent story in the news about an eleven-year old who was mercilessly gang-raped, you should make yourself aware: stories like this should be on the front page of our newspapers, but they aren't. Stories about rape could fill daily newspapers, but they don't. We need to read them, because we are the victims, we are the survivors, and we are the people that can help prevent such horrible crimes.

Accomplishment Alert!

2011-03-25T12:21:00.000-07:00

At the end of 2009 I acknowledged that I have a spending problem, and after acknowledgment came some of the first steps to achieve a debt-free life. First things first, I cut up my credit cards, and today I finally paid the last two cards off! I had $2600 in credit card debt this morning, and after applying my tax returns I have $0 in credit card debt. Because I no longer have to make monthly payments, I have an extra $143 per month! The extra money is going towards other debt (I have about one year left for payments on my car, and student loans). Even though I haven't accomplished my initial goal of eradicating all of my debt, I am so proud of myself. I am one step closer to living without shackles to distant numbers.

At the end of 2009 I also decided that I wasn't going to take out any more student loans for my undergraduate degree, and I haven't. I have not borrowed a single penny for school. I have paid for each credit hour on my own (spare a sweet gift from the amazing Bentley, who paid 3/4 of my fall tuition), and it has made me appreciate school so much more!

I can finally see a light at the end of the debt tunnel, hoorah!

Happy Birthday, Ben!

2011-03-23T14:39:00.000-07:00

Today the best man in the world turns twenty-seven! I am so thankful for the amazing series of coincidences that led to Ben's adoption by the Garner family, and led us both to Absolute MMA. When I feel stressed from the day I always know that our little apartment will be a calm sanctuary full of hugs, kisses, and a warm hand to caress my face when I'm sad. Everyday I love him more and more. Ben is smart, funny, handsome, caring, and infinitely patient.

Today is his day.

We started off with stuffed strawberry french toast, bacon, and Kona coffee. Tonight we're going to the Himalayan Kitchen with friends for some delicious naan and curry, and after that we'll have dessert at the place of his choice. Unfortunately, the gift I bought him didn't show up yet, but he is getting a single-weave black Fuji Gi.

San Francisco '09

Happy Birthday, Bentley!

Top Gear

2011-03-17T10:46:00.000-07:00

Top Gear is my new obsession, and believe it or not, it's a car show. Well, calling it simply a car show would be vulgar in my opinion, because the show is so much more. The three hosts, Jeremy Clarkson, James May, and (my favorite) Richard Hammond are absolutely brilliant and hilarious. The show is smart enough to exclude a particular demographic, but accessible enough that someone like myself isn't lost in the car jargon.

Top Gear is a show about supercars, Porsches, Gumperts (that's a real car), Bugattis, and the like, but it also includes segments about regular cars (like Nissans and Fiats). Each show, the tame racing driver, known as "The Stig" drives a given supercar around the Top Gear track, and the time is recorded, with each new episode presenting a possibility for a faster car. The lap times are kept on a board that is brought out for each episode, and it is truly intense with each new car, because the top of the board is a sought after achievement. The Stig is a mysterious figure whose face is always covered by a helmet, and each segment you learn new facts about The Stig, for instance, it is rumored that one of his eyes is a teste...pure comedy, and man can The Stig drive!

Each episode also has some sort of challenge, one of the last challenges was for the three men to use a pittance of a budget to purchase motor vehicles to take them on a thousand mile journey from North to South Vietnam, the catch, because there's always a catch, is that they only had enough money to purchase terrible road bikes. The hilarity ensues as the trio heads across Vietnam through rain, painting one motorbike pink behind their companions back, and exchanging hilarious gifts that had to be carried on the back of Vespas and small bikes. Keep in mind, I'm behind on the series because I'm only able to access the show online through Netflix.

The knowledge of the hosts is staggering, and their passion is unparalleled. The three men have so much chemistry that you actually believe that they are best friends who sit at the pub after work. If I wasn't madly in love with Ben, I'd fly to England and try to date Richard Hammond, even though he's super short!
Top Gear has a celebrity in each episode (seriously, this show has a segment for everyone), and that celebrity gets a driving lesson from the "tame racing driver" and takes the reasonably priced car (currently a Chevy Aveo) for a ride around the track; like the supercars, their time is recorded, and the top of the board is the main goal for the celebs. I could blather on and on, but really, just check it out. If you have cable find it on the BBC, and if you have Netflix, stream them instantly. I'm currently streaming from season 9, but hope to be caught up eventually. This show has replaced every other show in my arsenal, and is permanently seated as my favorite.

My life goals have changed because of Top Gear, and they are:
1. Learn to drive a manual.
2. Become famous in England.
3. Get on Top Gear and drive the reasonably priced car.

Seems reasonable enough, aye?

Tibia

2011-03-14T16:31:00.000-07:00

I have been training for The SLC Half, and training has been going well. However, I may have encountered a slight speed bump on Thursday night; the speed bump has a name, and its name is Dustin. Dustin and I were rolling (that's jiu-jitsu speak for sparring and/or fighting) and when I went to sweep him (gain a dominant position), he caught his balance and came down on my leg with all of his weight. I thought my leg broke, and I immediately rolled belly-down and writhed in pain. My face was flushed and the tears were hot. My coaches and Ben ran over and helped to pull my gi open, and each one held a hand and coached me to contain my breathing. I laid on the ground for half an hour, not moving my leg and trying to stay calm.
Eventually we put some ice on the site of impact, and I was able to walk out of the gym, but my leg still feels mushy in one spot. It hurts to touch my leg, and walking across campus is too much impact.

Is there a running God, and is he testing me? Last year I had to drop from the Ragnar due to pain in my knees, and I have to be honest when I say that I wasn't too disappointed (sorry, Nat). Remember, I was still horrified from my first race: But this year, I'm excited to run. I have invested in toe socks and better running shoes. I have a training schedule, and I've been diligent! Now, I have a mushy leg, and it hurts. My leg hurts and I'm disappointed that I may have met my match for training. I'm also disappointed that I cried at the gym, it was mortifying. Here's a picture of a healthy set of bones, I'm pretty sure the lower part of my tibia looks like moldy bread:

13.1

2011-03-10T10:10:00.000-08:00

I'm running in the SLC Half Marathon, again! I swore that I would never run in another half, because I was in so much pain last year! In all fairness, I was in pain last year because I ran twice in preparation...stupid much? You can't just run 13.1 miles without conditioning your body, well, you can, but you'll hurt for weeks and curse the entire running world. For weeks I would curse runners and call them stupid when I saw them outside (every runner except Natalie of course). I crossed the finish line last year and immediately said, "That was the worst fucking experience of my life." I literally almost lost control of my bowels (sick, I know), because I had to go to the bathroom at mile two and didn't dare to brave the porta-potties. I thought running was stupid, but I was stupid. This year I am training. This year I am going to be prepared.

So far, I still hate running.

I am getting blisters between my toes, so I'm going to invest in toe socks. I have found the Injinji brand to be the most well-reviewed, any other suggestions, friends? If not, here come the gay pride toe socks:

CRASH!

2011-03-08T17:13:00.000-08:00

Today I was so ornery that I almost skipped class. I received a bill in the mail for a dental procedure that I paid for two years ago, but apparently some charges were being disputed unbeknown to me, and VOILA, a random bill. An extra hundred dollar kick in the pants is not cool. I was pretty upset, but went to class and... received a B on a paper. Chelsea was not happy.

I put a lot of time into my paper, and received a bad grade for reasons that are not clearly stated in the comments. I'm the type of person that negotiates grades. I will be scheduling a meeting with my professor to discuss my grade and how he came to his conclusions. I climbed into my car (sufficiently upset), and as I backed out, someone decided that looking in their rear-view mirror would be too inconvenient, and crashed into Warren (aka: my Yaris). I now have a square hole the size of half of a dollar bill on my back bumper. Thankfully the guy had insurance and I filed a claim. My car was gentle and didn't harm his heap of a Cavalier. Hopefully all goes smoothly and I'm not out any money; hopefully, because I don't have any (see above).

March 8th, 2011 can piss off...except for jiu-jitsu. Jiu-Jitsu was great tonight.

Double Wide

2011-02-28T17:22:00.000-08:00

I used to live in a trailer. I lived in a trailer with my deadbeat of an Ex-boyfriend, his grandma, great-grandma (for a short period,) sister, mother, nephew, and two dogs. I lived in a place that I hated, with someone I didn't like, and I was turning into a miserable person. Finally, after two and a half years of back and forth, I left. I left my beautiful dog, took my mattress and moved out.
The Ex was left with his pile of mounting debt and his shiny Hummer in the driveway (the driveway of a trailer, mind you). I have never been happier. I have grown up so much in the two and a half years after my departure.

Saturday night I was in the area with Ben for a housewarming party, and we decided it would be fun to drive by the old trailer. I assumed that the family had moved on, but as we pulled up, there it was. The grandma and mother had their old cars in the driveway, and there was a shiny new Cadillac in one of the carport stalls (reminder, this is in front of a trailer that the person doesn't even own!) As we drove by the front door swung open, and the Ex walked out! He walked out to smoke, and we drove off laughing.

If I had not left, I would still live in a trailer with someone I didn't like, becoming a person I couldn't stand.

Go-Go-Gadget, DAYPLANNER!

2011-02-25T15:58:00.001-08:00

I have a confession: I like lists. Scratch that, I love lists! When I discovered "Stickies" and "iCal" I was on cloud nine (thanks Macbook)! I like to plan, and budget. I carry a budget in my wallet that has my money tracked from now until July, it's semi-neurotic. I book back-to-back plans with friends, and each day I run from work to school, run back to work, run to the gym, run home to cook, and then study until I can't keep my eyes open. I never thought my lifestyle was a problem, but I'm beginning to realize it is. I have HUGE goals, and that requires a lot of planning, and better time management. In honor of my confession, here is a list of my current "to dos" and projects:

1. SLC Half Marathon on April 17th
2. Get my blue belt in jiu-jitsu (this one is huge!)
3. Work 40 hrs a week
4. Attend 9 credit hours of school (and my current non-credit internship)
5. Volunteer with Equality Utah
6. Volunteer with the Inclusion Center
7. Work on the "blogging for girls" project I have undertaken
8. Work on a longitudinal study with Dr. Brinkman (this one is still in the works)
9. Pay off my debt
10. Get a raise at work
11. Maintain social life

Basically, I don't sleep. I am officially empathetic towards all college kids that abuse uppers, not that I'm endorsing that behavior, but I totally understand it.

Sons of Perdition

2011-02-22T21:24:00.001-08:00

Last weekend we went to see "Sons of Perdition" at the Tower Theater, and I was so touched by the movie that I can't stop thinking about it. Sons is a documentary that follows three members of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS), and documents their journey as they escape from the community which has trapped them and countless others. The FLDS community is led by Warren Jeffs, who is a sadistic, narcissistic, and completely disgusting person. One google search will lead you to current tales of his indictments on charges of atrocious crimes such as child rape. The movie features a picture of a pregnant thirteen year old girl from the community, which caused any neutral feelings on the issue to be quickly dispelled. Any group that condones the practice of rape is deplorable, and I hope Warren Jeffs spends his life in prison fighting off attackers.

Tyler Measom (Director) does a fantastic job of introducing Bruce, Joe, and Sam, three boys who escape from Colorado City, Arizona. The documentary highlights their story of failed escape attempts, loneliness, drugs, and eventual success. I literally can't put it into words how touching this movie was. Watching the boys experience something as simple as Mother's Day is astounding; they literally have no concept of the outside world. One of the scenes shows the young men in The Cathedral of the Madeleine in downtown SLC. One boy asks, "So, Catholics believe in Jesus?" When someone provides an answer in the affirmative he innocently responds, "sweet." Such an innocent question, asked in earnest naivete immediately opens your heart to the young men (while making you want to punch their parents for sheltering them.)
Each year boys are exiled from the community in Colorado City, or "The Crick," and they have no money, no education, and nowhere to go. Public education was banned when Warren Jeffs took the community over, and boys that are forced out of the area are barely literate, and can't find a way to get into high school, because they don't have permanent addresses or previous education. Depriving a child of education is one of the worst abuses that a parent can put them through, and the entire community should be ashamed of themselves.

We were lucky enough to go to a screening that ended with a Q&A session with the director, and the three boys. The young men were met with a standing ovation from the crowd; everyone should be as brave as these young men. Knowing that they wanted to achieve more out of life, they left their friends and family to embark on an amazing and terrifying journey. They walked into a world that they had been taught was filled with sin and the presence of the devil. They went through more struggle with their decision to leave than most of us will ever know in a lifetime. After seeing this movie I want to go to St. George, Utah (where most of the boys end up,) and adopt a fifteen year old...I am not joking.

I'm pleading with all of my heart that you go to see this movie! You will not be disappointed, and this issue is extremely prevalent for all of my friends in Utah because we have the gift of proximity when it comes to helping these exiles.

Valentine's Day

2011-02-16T17:22:00.001-08:00

This Valentine's Day we skipped cards, flowers, chocolates, and any typical trappings. Instead of the typical date, we ate panang gai (red curry chicken) and Gaeng Kieow Waan (green curry chicken). We washed it down with Thai Iced coffee, and some mango sticky rice. I highly recommend checking out Mekong Cafe, it is on 7777 South State Street. You will not be disappointed in a single dish that this mom and pop restaurant serves. Everything they serve is delicious, well, everything I have tried that is. This picture isn't from the actual place, but it is very similar:

I love date nights. We have so much fun. I love having our usual spots. It was a great Valentine's Day!

Happy Birthday Chelsea!

2011-02-11T16:41:00.000-08:00

I turned twenty-three on the ninth of this month, and it was the best birthday I could have imagined. Ben surprised me by putting together a party at The Pie, in South Jordan. All of my coaches, and some of my dearest friends came. We ate pizza and a delicious cake (the cake was provided by VTS.) I had no idea that he had planned the party! I was under the impression that we were going home after an arduous workout to eat tacos. Ben said we needed to stop at the store, which is in the same complex as The Pie. I asked what we were doing when he bypassed the store and he replied, "we're going to your birthday party." I almost cried in the car; no one has ever planned a surprise party for me. We walked up to the door and through the window I could see my favorite little man, Jarom running in the lobby. I almost broke down when I saw that little guy and his beautiful sister Sofia.

Ben is amazing, I seriously could not ask for a better companion. In lieu of my new age, I figured it would be fun to compile a short list of the major things that happened during my twenty-second year of life:

1. My 1st Half marathon!!! (I'm particularly proud of this one)
2. Dirty Dash 10k
3. 2nd place at the Utah Grappling games
4. Trip to Maui
5. Trip to Arvada, CO for NAGA
6. Trip to Boulder, CO for my first Aesop show
7. Trip to Reno, NV for my second Aesop show
8. I made the Dean's list at the University of Utah,
and my personal favorite...
9. Ben and I made our relationship "official"

I have some serious work to do, because each year must be better than the last! Bring it, 23!

Uno

2011-02-06T09:01:00.000-08:00

My favorite baby in the whole world turned ONE on February 4th!
Her fabulous parents threw a party (on the 5th) at So Cupcake in Holladay. I tried the "So Hanky Panky Red Velvet" cupcake, and Cam gave me a bite of his blueberry cake; both of the cupcakes that I tried were great. My camera from my phone doesn't do this beautiful baby justice, but here she is:
She parties like a rockstar, double-fistin' some cupcake goodness!

Here is one of my favorite pictures that her mommy had done professionally:

I love you, Miss Sofia!

Purple

2011-02-04T12:13:00.000-08:00

Things have been hectic and wonderful for the past little while. Spring semester started, and I'm working on a great advocacy project with the Gender Studies department. We're currently ironing out the details for a community blog writing project that focuses on the subject of girl-on-girl bullying; as soon as more details are available, my blog will be bursting with posts that direct everyone to the site. I'm so excited for the experience-it is the first time I have worked on a project from the very beginning.

The gym has been absolutely fantastic. Our fantastic professor, Rob Handley flies Grand Master Flavio Behring to the U.S. twice a year. While he is here, Master Flavio conducts a seminar, and each year it exceeds my expectations. I literally cannot stress the importance of this event. Master Flavio is the embodiment of Jiu-Jitsu. He is a walking, talking, ass-kicking piece of history, and contemporary genius. He looks like a Brazilian Sean Connery, and has the best wink I have ever seen. If you are interested in self-defense or sport jiu-jitsu, check out his site: http://www.flaviobehring.com/

The seminars are a great learning experience, and they are the time of year when everyone receives their due belt promotions. This year, I am so proud to share that Mister Bentley received his PURPLE BELT!! For those of you that don't know, the belt progression is as follows: white, blue, purple, brown, black. The purple belt is the "halfway" point. If a person works really hard a black belt can be achieved in ten years (give or take, depending on your skill-level, and your Professor, etc.) Ben has worked so hard, and he deserved this promotion (he has been doing jiu-jitsu for 3 1/2 years now.) Ben has won numerous competitions, and puts in so much time on the mat. I am so proud of him, I literally can't put it into words. Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures for now, I'm going to ask my lovely coaches for some copies, and post them if they allow me to.
Ben wasn't the only person to receive a promotion, my best friend, Camrann Pacheco was promoted to a BROWN BELT! Such a monumental occasion! Cam is amazing, and he really deserves the new belt.
I have made myself the promise that I won't be a white belt forever, it's time for me to put in work to earn a blue belt!!

Delicious!

2010-12-27T16:16:00.000-08:00

Apparently this blog is going to contain random recipes, just go with it...
I love chicken, and I'm trying to eat healthier, so I went to foodnetwork.com and stole this recipe:

Ingredients

1 (5 to 6 pound) roasting chicken
Kosher salt
Freshly ground black pepper
1 large bunch fresh thyme, plus 20 sprigs
1 lemon, halved
1 head garlic, cut in half crosswise
2 tablespoons (1/4 stick) butter, melted
1 large yellow onion, thickly sliced
4 carrots cut into 2-inch chunks
1 bulb of fennel, tops removed, and cut into wedges
Olive oil

Directions

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F.

Remove the chicken giblets. Rinse the chicken inside and out. Remove any excess fat and leftover pin feathers and pat the outside dry. Liberally salt and pepper the inside of the chicken. Stuff the cavity with the bunch of thyme, both halves of lemon, and all the garlic. Brush the outside of the chicken with the butter and sprinkle again with salt and pepper. Tie the legs together with kitchen string and tuck the wing tips under the body of the chicken. Place the onions, carrots, and fennel in a roasting pan. Toss with salt, pepper, 20 sprigs of thyme, and olive oil. Spread around the bottom of the roasting pan and place the chicken on top.

Roast the chicken for 1 1/2 hours, or until the juices run clear when you cut between a leg and thigh. Remove the chicken and vegetables to a platter and cover with aluminum foil for about 20 minutes. Slice the chicken onto a platter and serve it with the vegetables.

Harmons sells whole chickens, sans giblets and innards, for about ten bucks! This dinner is cheap and delicious. The best part is, once the chicken is roasting, you can read a book!

Merry Christmas, From An Atheist

2010-12-26T16:07:00.000-08:00

In case you don't know, I'm an Atheist/Secular Humanist. I take solace in the principles of Secular Humanism just as strongly as a devout theist believes their religion to be true; because of my beliefs, I have tried to remove myself from Christmas. I don't believe Christmas should be a national holiday, but no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to remove myself from the celebration. I love light displays, decorating cookies, decorating trees, ice skating, and making gingerbread houses. I think that the Santa Claus fable is harmless, and many of my greatest memories come from the legend of Kris Kringle. In fact, I think that the story of Santa Claus is a useful tool. As a child I eventually grew out of the belief that there was a man, who knows everyone by name, can see all of my actions, listens to my desires, and punishes/rewards me for my actions (sound familiar?) That being said, the following is much less cynical.

This year Ben and I purchased decorations for our first Christmas tree, hung stockings, baked cookies, saw Christmas lights, watched Christmas movies, and danced in the living room to festive tunes (only for a moment, dancing makes me UN-FUCKING-COMFORTABLE!) This Christmas was perfection, spare the one tiny tradition I seem to be implementing, I have a horrendous cold! Poor Ben has been sleeping on the couch for four nights to gain a reprieve from my lung gurgle. Seriously, it is disgusting.

This Christmas was absolutely perfect. I am blissfully happy with my life, not including the ten, okay, fifteen pounds that I have gained. Apparently an education costs one pair of skinny jeans (3.7 GPA!!)

The Perfect Description

2010-11-17T10:21:00.000-08:00

I was doing some reading and came across an excerpt that so poignantly summed up my perception of gender discrimination that I had to share:

"Thus, young women in their small groups found themselves floundering in a morass of left-wing hostility and establishment derision. As both left and right labeled them "man-haters" when they demanded equality, they became acutely sensitized to the way in which it seemed that the whole culture was biased against women. One new recruit described her change in consciousness: "I couldn't walk down the street, read advertisements, watch TV, without being incensed... at the way women are treated." Robin Morgan's anger grew in the year she edited Sisterhood Is Powerful, an anger that came "from deep down and way back, something like a five-thousand-year buried anger." She continued, "It makes you very sensitive-raw, even, this consciousness."

-Excerpted from Chapters 1 and 9 of Personal Politics: The Roots of Women's

Liberation in the Civil Rights Movement and the New Left, by Sara Evans (New York: Knopf, 1979).

It is a terrifying thing when your achieve gender consciousness, and Morgan's description couldn't be more accurate, this consciousness can feel raw.

Paula Deen's Pumpkin Cheesecake

2010-11-16T21:19:00.000-08:00

For those of you that don't know, I am a pumpkin fanatic; I adore all things pumpkin, including savory dishes. I wanted to try my hand at combining cheesecake and pumpkin, and I had marginal success with a little recipe on the back of a Hershey's Kisses package. The kisses were pumpkin spice flavored, and the cheesecake was decent. In an effort to turn my baking experience around I decided to venture on over to the Food Network website, because I knew that my other cake could be outdone. The beautiful, gray haired-diva, Paula Deen, came to my palate's rescue with her recipe for pumpkin cheesecake. I don't bake worth a damn, and this cake was a success! It is so good, in fact, that I gave Rob Handley (my professor at Absolute) one of the cakes for his birthday. Try it, you won't regret it!

Ingredients

Crust:

1 3/4 cups graham cracker crumbs
3 tablespoons light brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 stick melted salted butter

Filling:

3 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, at room temperature
1 (15-ounce) can pureed pumpkin
3 eggs plus 1 egg yolk
1/4 cup sour cream
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon fresh ground nutmeg
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
2 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

For crust:

In medium bowl, combine crumbs, sugar and cinnamon. Add melted butter. Press down flat into a 9-inch springform pan. Set aside.

For filling:

Beat cream cheese until smooth. Add pumpkin puree, eggs, egg yolk, sour cream, sugar and the spices. Add flour and vanilla. Beat together until well combined.

Pour into crust. Spread out evenly and place oven for 1 hour. Remove from the oven and let sit for 15 minutes. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 4 hours.

Thankful

2010-11-15T10:09:00.000-08:00

November isn't the only time we should express gratitude, give it a whirl throughout the rest of the year too. With that said:

I am thankful that although I may be impatient, and my temper can boil rapidly, I have people in my life that are cognizant of my imperfections, and they love me just the same. I'm working on it, I promise.

I can't wait to go back to the Gallivan Center for ice skating this year!

Maui

2010-11-13T17:20:00.000-08:00

Basically, I have the best boyfriend ever! Ben flew me out to Maui for my fall break from school. He has been gone since September 13th, and the chance to see each other was well-deserved! The vacation was amazing, and words can not describe just how perfect everything was on the trip. We played, and laughed, and ate amazing food. It was the type of vacation I have dreamed of my whole life, and I will cherish the memories forever! It would be impossible to give a play-by-play of the whole vacation, but I'm going to attempt to highlight some of it in the form of a list. Here goes nothin':

1. We went to the Banyan tree at Lahaina on day one. They have booths that sell art under the tree, and we went around to see all of the local art. The tree covers an entire city block, it was awesome!

2. We drove the Hana Highway and went on amazing hikes through a bamboo forest, and up to gorgeous waterfalls. The bamboo forest was one of my favorite parts, it sounded like hundreds of wind chimes while we walked. The absence of snakes in Hawaii made it one of the most leisurely hikes that I have ever been on.

3. Ben bought me snorkeling gear and we went snorkeling a few different times, which included an awesome boat trip to the Molokini Crater on a boat with the Pacific Whale Foundation. I can honestly say that I have never done anything so cool in my entire life, and I can't wait to go back. Ben loves turtles, and I was so excited to see a few up close! The first turtle that we saw was huge! I'm going to unfairly assume the turtle was a male, the poor guy was missing a fin. He was as big as a coffee table, and was covered in mossy looking algae stuff (very technical terms.) We saw an eagle ray, and tons of fish. I showed Ben my boobs underwater, and he thinks those were the coolest things in the Hawaiian waters...I also managed to lovingly/playfully grope him right as we ran into another couple that was snorkeling. Seriously, we had not seen a person in over half an hour, and right as I decide to act like a pervert people appear...just my luck. On our second snorkeling adventure I was stung by a Portuguese Man O' War, which was terrible! Thankfully the sting wasn't too bad, and I was ready to go back into the water in about an hour!

4. We also went to the Paia Fish Market Restaurant and ate some of the best food in the whole world; we saw "The Town" and "Secretariat;" We bought "Connect Four" and played that a bunch; we went to "Kite Beach" and watched the kite surfers; we watched amazing sunsets, and we even trained at Ermin's gym (Ermin is his boss in Hawaii.) Ermin's girlfriend Lisa was our instructor. Lisa is awesome, and I'm very happy that I was able to meet her. We ate Indian Food, and slept in. We cuddled, and kissed, and humped, it was great.

Out of all of the adventures that we had I can honestly say that my two favorite parts were probably some of the simplest. The first was when Ben picked me up from the airport. I had missed him so much, seeing him pull up to the curb was like a bag of concrete had been lifted from my chest. It sounds rather melodramatic, but when you genuinely like someone as much as I like him, it is truly awful going this long without him by my side. I love waking up and drinking coffee with Ben, even though I hate waking up early! Getting to eat eggs with him before work is one of the best parts of my day. When Ben has a long day at work, getting to rub his hands after dinner is one of the best feelings in the world. I miss training with him at the gym, and wrestling with him at home. Just getting to hold his hand during the initial drive from the airport to the condo in Maui was divine.

My second favorite part of the trip was the time we spent inside of the condo. Ben rented the most amazing condo, and we both grew so attached to it that by the end of the trip we called it our "pretend house." We watched an entire season of "The Office." That's right, I was in paradise with my handsome boyfriend, and one of the highlights consisted of eating ice cream and watching Netflix. I love just sitting at home with Ben and watching t.v. When he gets home, there is going to be an imprint of our bodies on his couch, because we are watching every season of "The Office," and it is going to be GREAT!

The day that I left consisted of a lot of crying. I tried so hard to keep it in, but knowing that I had to go another month and a half without doing the simple things with Ben was torture. I tried to change my flight, but it was $300ish dollars to make the change, and we decided that was unreasonable. I think everyone feels the post-vacation blues, but that feeling was definitely compounded by leaving Hawaii alone. I cried all the way through security, and I cried until the plane boarded. I'm surprised they didn't flag me for enhanced searches, I was a mess.

Anyway, all of that uber-personal, and cheesy stuff aside, the vacation was AMAZING! I can't wait to go back! Hawaii does have a law school, I'm just sayin'...

"Room"

2010-10-19T23:19:00.000-07:00

School and work have been so hectic lately! I have barely had time to study and write quality papers for my four classes with all of the drama I have had at work, but after much frustration, midterms ended, and I flew to Hawaii. However, the night before I flew to Hawaii I read the most amazing book that I have come across in years (it is that good.)

Please read Emma Donoghue’s, "Room."

Synopsis: Ma and Jack live in Room. Room is an eleven foot by eleven foot shed in the backyard of their captor's house. The shed that is "Room" to Jack is soundproofed, and hidden by hedges; the door to Room is steel and has a digital code that is only known to "Old Nick," the nasty rapist that captured Ma when she was nineteen.

The book is narrated by Jack, the lovable and intelligent five year old that has been raised by his doting mother under the false pretense that they are the only people on Earth that are real, and everything Outside is outer space. The narration from start to finish is in the words of Jack, everything that he experiences is filtered through the mind of a five year old, and he expresses the events as such. Everything he has ever known becomes important, a rug is Rug, proper nouns throughout the book convey the importance attached to the things in our lives that we know and love, though they may be inanimate. Some of us name our cars (mine is Warren Sapp,) Jack names and loves everything surrounding him. They have T.V., Rug, Plant, Egg Snake, and Wardrobe. They brush their teeth, play games, and exercise. One day, Ma tells Jack that Outside is real, and that Old Nick is a bad man who stole her, and they must escape.

After their harrowing escape (which had me breathlessly turning the pages) Jack is faced with a whole new world. He is faced with vast choices, new sounds, and an overwhelming fear that his mother will leave him. Was Jack better off in Room? Is ignorance bliss? After all, he was safe in room, bees didn't sting him, people didn't yell, and the sun didn't burn, maybe Room wasn't so bad- maybe Jack wants to go back?

This book left me wondering where Jack and Ma were after I closed the cover, and I still find myself thinking about them as if they are real people. The book calls into question many great subjects, such as, how much choice is a good thing?

For me, "Room" made me question my own materialism, and contemplate how important the things around me actually are. I have realized that what makes my car, "Warren" is the memories that I have had in "him." My car isn't a person, it is a car, and I need to pay more attention to the people inside of it, and the places it takes me, because if they were gone, Warren would just be another Toyota Yaris. I highly recommend this book, and if any of my friends want to borrow it, just let me know!

On another note, later I will be posting quite the lengthy account of my trip to Maui, and posting tons of pictures!

Cardboard City

2010-09-17T13:20:00.000-07:00

The Alex Pardee print that I have had my eye on forever popped up in a store in SLC, and I happened upon it while walking to my favorite Indian restaurant (The Himalayan Kitchen.) The "Tonight, To Knight" print is available at Blonde Grizzly, it is print 3/45. I was convinced that the print was mine, because I was totally willing to drop at least two hundred dollars on it; you see, the print was originally only $80.00 online, but was sold out when I went to purchase it. I emailed the artist and he said that the prints were limited and no more would be sold. I have scoured ebay countless times to no avail, until the day that I walked by the fucking thing hanging on the store wall downtown! The store was closed, and I contemplated putting a rock through the window to steal the painting, which I decided was counterproductive (and there were too many witnesses.) I called and talked to the owner the second I was at work the next day, he thanked me for not vandalizing his store. The print is not $200, the print is $400! Needless to say, I cried (which is pretty pathetic,) and I've since been daydreaming about someone surprising me with the print.

Anyway, I follow the artist's blog at eyesuckink.blogspot.com and he has recently started a really cool horror-movie night at his newest retail store in SF. The movie night is limited to people who purchase one of twenty prints that are sold for $10 every Monday at noon. The print is your ticket, which is totally worth the money (why don't I live in San Francisco again?) I was reading the re-cap of the night, and looking at pictures, and none other than Aesop Rock showed up to the first movie night (he also lives in SF.) It was here that I read about Aesop's new website, 900bats.com. The website is awesome, which is to be expected from Mister Rock. Check it out:

Cupcakes and Wine

2010-09-15T14:45:00.000-07:00

One of my best friends in the whole world turned thirty this week, and to celebrate he put together a party at Divas Cupcakes and Coffee in Salt Lake. There was a spread of cupcakes and wine, which was absolutely adorable; the cupcakes were delicious! I was able to taste the red velvet, and s'mores cupcakes, and they were both to die for! I overheard a few people raving about the tomato basil soup as well. They have a beautiful patio, and greenhouse, I will definitely be going there to study.
Tons of wonderful people came out to celebrate in honor of Steve. It was a great time, and I'm so thankful to have friends like Steve in my life. Travy was also there and he drove with me to the event, it was really nice to catch up.

Aloha

2010-09-14T14:36:00.000-07:00

Ben left for Hawaii on Monday, and it was quite the emotional event.
I cried all the way to the airport, it couldn't be helped.
It hit us like a ton of bricks on Sunday night; we won't be able to touch each other for a month. A pause has been put on movies, dinners, snuggling, jiu-jitsu, and naps. Hawaii is a bitch.
I'm going to Maui October 9-17th for a visit (it will be fall break.) If I wasn't going to Maui, I'm pretty sure we'd both explode.

We went on our long awaited "fancy" date to Spencer's and ate some delicious food as a final hoorah before he took off. Ben was given a much appreciated gift certificate from our friend/instructor Pedro, and the $104 tab only took $25.00 out of our pockets. The food was great, and it was nice to get all dressed up (Ben looked so handsome in his slacks and button-down maroon shirt.)

I can't wait for him to come home, I miss him very much. People say, "time makes the heart grow fonder," but what if you are already fond to the millionth power?

Flood

2010-09-10T22:30:00.000-07:00

Ben's house flooded. The hose to his ice maker came undone and the water was running for an unknown amount of time, my personal estimate is eight hours. The carpets are completely ruined, a printer was drowned, and the place smells vaguely of mildew. The catastrophe wasn't really catastrophic considering the fact that nothing of much importance was ruined other than the general aesthetics of the apartment. Hopefully the cabinets don't need to be replaced, that would be expensive. Out of all that has happened, I mostly just feel bad for Ben. He has been so stressed working to finish three gates, work on the Chevelle, and a fuel tank/tow package, all before he leaves for Hawaii for two months (which is on Monday.) I can't wait for him to be out of debt, he deserves it more than anyone I know.

(The flooded living room)

Show Me The Money

2010-09-08T15:30:00.000-07:00

There is a really cool website where you can track stimulus spending, check it out: http://www.recovery.gov/Pages/home.aspx.

You can check projects by zip code, and even read a list of non-compliant recipients that is being tracked to make people accountable for the money. I think this site is a great tool, and it was a lot of fun to research and play around on. I checked out some of the money received for higher education, and the numbers were staggering:

The University of Utah received $120,165,409! Go Utes and Federal Government!
UVU received $19,114,616, Utah State received $41,790,992, SLCC received $10,623,731, and Weber State $9,498,066 (all numbers are approximations from my cursory glances.) As a student I'm pretty partial to this type of funding!

Drew and Justin

2010-09-07T15:22:00.000-07:00

This weekend Ben and I went to see "Going The Distance" at Megaplex 20. (POSSIBLE SPOILERS!)
The movie tells the story of Erin, an aspiring journalist, and Garrett a record label scout that meet in New York while Erin is visiting from San Fran for an internship. The two experience a wonderful summer romance, and at the end of the time decide that they can't live without each other and should try a long distance relationship. Garrett (Justin Long) is absolutely lovable and his two friends Box (Jason Sudeikis) and Dan (Charlie Day) are a hilarious support system that stole the show. Erin (Drew Barrymore) receives advice from her cynical and blunt sister Corinne (Christina Applegate) and Corinne's husband Phil (Jim Gaffigan,) who lends to the duo with impeccable comedic timing. The whole show centers on their relationship and the real issue at hand, can a long-distance relationship work? (The answer, by the way, is yes.)
The movie was absolutely hilarious and I highly recommend it. It wasn't typical in the sense that the girl pines for the guy the whole movie, takes all of the initiative, and ends up heartbroken; the movie was hilarious, heart-wrenching, and sentimental . It had humor that appealed to a broad spectrum of people and the casual dialogue was hilarious. The trio of male friends discuss "low man crying" and how it looks like one of the characters is "sucking his own dick," The day it is released to DVD, I will be purchasing it, and you should too.

The whole movie I was also transfixed on Drew Barrymore's clothes; her style is unique and absolutely adorable! I wish I had her wardrobe! The fact that Ben loved the movie says something about the content, he is a tough critic (who usually hates the movies I choose,) and he laughed the whole time.