Thursday, April 16, 2009

Gum Disposal

I was walking outside after a particularly irritating class, and as I grumbled and mumbled my way to my car, I noticed the sidewalk is covered in chewed gum. Little black polka dots covered the sidewalk all the way to my damn car. It dawned on me that there are some sweeping generalizations to make about people in regards to how they toss their gum. There are three ways I've noticed that people dispose of gum: 1.) swallowing 2.) spitting (particularly spitting on the ground) 3.) wrapping the gum up in a piece of paper and tossing it in the trash (notably, this is more irritating to me than people that spit it on the sidewalk.)
The first category of gum disposal seems to be occupied by a particular type of person, and in terms of gum removal, these are the best sort. People that swallow their gum should feel proud! Gum doesn't stay in your stomach for seven years, contrary to what your mom always told you, and it doesn't effect you in any negative way when swallowed. Gum swallowers are rational and resourceful. By swallowing, paper isn't wasted in wrapping up your tiny piece of peppermint gum, and my forty dollar mocassins aren't ruined by wanton spitting onto paved roads.
Once you move on from the admirable swallower, the second class of people and gum disposers, aka "the Spitters", are rather irritating, and seem to possess a disregard for the rest of pedestrians. Countless times I've stepped on a wad of bubblegum, and everytime it is in the middle of a highly trafficked area! Why are you so special that you can ruin my shoes with your three cent piece of chewing gum?! Gum Spitters are negligent people, who should learn to swallow their gum like a respectable human being!
Although I have a particular disdain for those that spit their gum out, the people that reside in the third category of gum disposal piss me off more than the shoe destroying mongrels above!! The "Gum Wrappers" as I like to call them make all of us look bad. They seem to be the most irritating of the bunch, and behave as though they have knowledge the rest of us don't. Everytime someone purses their lips and tears a piece of paper off to place their gum in, I want to punch them in the kidneys. The mannerism indicates that it is absolutely disgusting to swallow your gum, as though it is a high calorie snack, and the people that swallow it all weigh three hundred pounds! Newsflash for all of you uptight Gum Wrappers, it has less calories than a jelly bean! And at least the people that swallow their gum don't look like picky prudes who will disrupt a conversation to dispose of chewing gum (as though it's weapons-grade Plutonium!) Even in comparison to the negligent Spitters, whom ruin countless shoes, at least those people don't interrupt me while talking to throw out a gumball!
I suppose I'm a judgmental person for posting this, but I can't help it, it's a biological instinct to pass judgement.