Friday, July 2, 2010


It has been a while since I last updated, and although there has been a lot going on, the most significant thing has been my overwhelming feelings of happiness. Pardon the rambling that is about to ensue...

I've been trying very hard to focus on positive things in my life, and eliminate sources of negativity. My happiness is in my control. When I start to complain about a "horrible" day, I usually stop mid-sentence to list some good things that have occurred. I live a life that is full of excitement, luxury, and opportunity.

I've learned over the past year and a half that my communication skills are vital to my happiness, and that clear communication in everything that I do is crucial. I'm learning to say no, and I'm learning to let go. Rather than make excuses, I decline invitations. Rather than say what I think people want to hear (which has never been too much of a problem,) I lay it all on the line. I have relieved myself of toxic relationships, and I'm surrounded by people who (in the words of my mother) "build me up, rather than break me down." I don't care how long I have known a person, or if they are a member of my family, if they present obstacles to my happiness, the relationship is reduced to a manageable form, or completely eliminated.

I'm settling into myself as a woman. I will continue to change, because that is a natural process, but I'm embracing things about myself that remain constant.

I am filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude knowing that there is no god, and my confidence in secular thinking and skepticism has touched every facet of my life. I am thankful for the sliver of time I occupy in the vast history of this planet, and I no longer live my life half-assed with the convoluted hope that eternity will prove to be better. I'm invigorated with the desire to finally finish school and devour the knowledge that will help me to have a successful career.

My physical health is constantly improving, and I'm becoming more and more happy in my own skin. Almost every time I leave a rendezvous with my friends I can't help but ramble on about how great they make me feel. I have found a significant other that loves me for my individual qualities, and he accepts me without condition. We recently went to the SLC Arts Festival with our friends Natalie, Alek, Sara and Josh, and as we walked around, holding hands, kissing, laughing and talking I noticed that the other couples were doing the same thing; everyone was so happy, and seemed completely satisfied. There were no pretenses, just happiness. I was one of those people, who a few years ago seemed like an elite few. I have never experienced a healthy romantic relationship like the one I have now, and I'm so excited to nurture it and watch it grow.

I probably sound like a rambling, new-age whacko with all of this happy-go-lucky emotional sharing, but it must be done. I feel amazing, and I'm so grateful. My happiness isn't a product of fate or chance, it is a creation of mine. For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy being me, and I wouldn't trade places with anyone.