I'm Not Stuck

Here I am, a graduate. I'm officially a University of Utah Alumni. I worked my ass off, and I'm here.  Where is "here" exactly? It's $25,000 in debt, at the same dead end job, applying for jobs within the state bureaucracy. Applying for jobs that pay thirteen dollars an hour, and get this, those jobs REQUIRE a Bachelors degree.  "Here" has turned into a weird funk that I am clamoring to get out of, because I suddenly have all of this time on my hands, but all I want to do is sleep.  Basically, I'm on the precipice of (or I've fallen in and I'm in denial) of depression.

"We" are supposed to go to college. We are told from a young age that we must go to college to succeed. Education drives the economy; education bulks up a resume. "They" don't tell you that the job market might be in the weeds by the time you graduate.

For the past two months I have been having an all out, full-on, fucking panic attack. What am I going to do? 

The first major hurdle to clear was admission to a graduate program, and guess what? I have been accepted to the program of my choice! I have been accepted to Westminster College's Master of Arts in Community Leadership program. I start in January 2013, and will graduate in two years.

After finding out about the MACL program, things have started to look a tad different. I am still applying for jobs, but I am currently employed, and I make enough money to pay the bills (and then some). I'm an alumni, a first generation college student with two Bachelors degrees. I have loads of volunteer and professional experience. I went to college and made friends. I went to college and learned to interact with people from all walks of life. I will earn a Masters degree, which is pretty damn cool if you ask me.  Most importantly: I am not stuck. I am happy, healthy, and I am loved. I am far from stuck.

Two Months

It has been almost two months since I have updated this damn thing, and quite a bit has happened during that time.  I finished a semester of school and made major goal changes for graduate school.  Law school is a dream of the past and now I'm looking at the Master of Public Administration program at the U. I'm excited an nervous to graduate in May.  My goals are within reach and plans must be made for the future, which is both exhilirating and exhausting.

I made a wreath for Christmas and we celebrated the holiday with new decorations for the house and gifts aplenty.  I don't think I will ever attempt to make something decorative again, it was a long process and I've decided that I'd much rather pay someone to do that stuff for me.

My parents bought us a 55" LCD HDTV, Ben bought me a Nook Tablet (which I adore), and I snagged Ben some goodies like a new iPod.  We went to a 90s themed New Year's Eve party and had a blast.  Basically, the holidays were good to me and Ben.

In the past two months I have acquired some recommendations: "The Visible Man" by Chuck Klosterman is worth a read; Kimya Dawson's new album "Thunder Thighs" is worth a listen, and the new Sherlock Holmes movie is worth a view.

Currently I'm gearing up for a fifteen credit hour semester and I'm working on putting together a six week, ladies self-defense seminar with my coach.  He has graciously offered his time free of charge, so I'm making arrangements to get everything done.  More on that when I have details.  I need all of the participants I can find to insure a good turnout.  Ben leaves for Hawaii on Monday and he should be back within a month.  He's not looking forward to leaving, but he is excited for the money it will bring.  Basically, life is good right now.  Things are moving like they should and I'm happy.  I hope all of my friends had a great holiday season and I wish everyone a wonderful year to come.  I'm going to try to become more regular with my posting again, but we'll see.

The Life

The life of a full-time college student, and a full-time employee is stressful, but it is also oddly enjoyable.  One of the simple joys of college is falling asleep in the J. Willard Marriott library, they have the most comfortable chairs!

There is something to be said about the quality of sleep that you get when you pass out.

Summer Classes

I have dropped off of the grid just a tad, and it is all the fault of my summer classes.  I wish adults had summer breaks like elementary school children; Aaaaah, to reminisce about the days when I would steal change from my parents to get ice cream from the ice cream man!

By the Grace of Giants

My Professor Tim Chambless touched upon a story in class that I felt the need to retell. We had just finished watching Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have A Dream" speech (August 28, 1963) on the projector, when he began to speak of President Kennedy's assassination (November 22, 1963.) He recounted a story involving his friend David. David met and briefly talked with (then) Senator Kennedy in 1960 when he made a campaign stop to the State of Utah. David described Kennedy in all of the typical ways that people did after meeting the famous politician, he was polite and charismatic.
It was three years later on September 29th, 1963 when President Kennedy came to Utah to flip the switch activating generators at Flaming Gorge that David met the President again. David was on the fringes of the crowd, and as the President walked by, he hesitated, gave a look of recognition to David and walked over to him, shaking his hand he politely said, "Hi, how are you doing, Dave, right?"
Sometimes there are simple moments when you realize you love someone. There are moments when what was once a fantasy becomes a reality. There are stories like this that leave me breathless, stories that make my heroes seem real. It is my sincere belief that there are politicians who care, politicians that will remember your name, and sometimes it is nice to be reminded that the possibility is real.

Presidential candidate Sen. John F. Kennedy
speaks inside the Mormon Tabernacle on Sept. 23, 1960.
(Deseret News archives)

10:45 A.M.

The University of Utah campus is absolutely gorgeous! This little view is what I see every day as I leave the parking lot, and it isn't even close to spectacular relative to the other views on campus. The diversity on campus is fantastic, and you never know what you are going to see. Today, one of the noteworthy sights at The U was two boys, both fashionable and fairly good looking, riding together on a skateboard. I heard one exclaim (as his friend tucked his head under his armpit, with his arms around his waist,) "Fuck, we're going to die. You do the brakes, your shoes are better." Regardless of fear, they sailed beyond my view; way to commit boys, way to commit

Workin' Out

School starts on Monday and I am so excited! I usually start the semester out really strong and fizzle out toward the end, but my goal this semester is to maintain a healthy pace of involvement from beginning to end! One large change this semester will be in my workout routine, I have to cut back on my time at Absolute, but I'm going to be supplementing my workout regimen with weight training on Mondays and Wednesdays with my friend Dave. We have an hour and twenty minute break between classes, so we'll be working out at the Field House. I'm excited to get a new type of workout in; weight training twice a week, and training muay Thai and BJJ three times a week will definitely keep me sane and in shape!

Also, I've been picking up kettlebells twice a week with Rebecca at the gym, and I'm really excited about keeping up on the schedule; sport kettlebells are something that definitely intrigue me, and after about a year or so (or whenever Rob says I'm ready,) I'd love to try to compete.

As far as BJJ goes I recently competed in the Utah Grappling Games on July 31st. It was my first grappling tournament. I participated in the women's middleweight gi division, and took 2nd place. I had two matches, the first which I won with points, and the second that I lost via arm lock. The first time jitters were enough to damn my entire performance, and although I'm proud that I went out to compete, watching the videos made me really negative about my overall performance. I can't wait to go back and try even harder in the next tournament.

In other workout news, I signed up for the Dirty Dash with Megan Allen and Sara Meidell, which will be super exciting! I'm not going to make the same mistake that I did for the SLC Half Marathon, I will be running to train for this one!

We leave tomorrow to see Aesop in Reno! Pictures and tales to come!