My Kind of Rain

Just about a week ago it rained three nights in a row, and the thunder and lightning were amazing. One particularly stormy night I fell asleep during a movie on the couch, but when the power went off, I had a very eager boyfriend wake me up to go watch nature's show. Ben roused me, and I threw the blanket over my head (virgin mother style,) and we went out onto the porch. The wind was blowing the rain right into the porch, so we threw the blanket over our heads and ran to the Red Dragon. We slapped through the wet concrete with nothing but bare feet and laid across the backseat to watch the show. The windows fogged while we "ooed" and "aaawed" with every crack of the lightning; we didn't go back into the house until the storm was merely a drizzle.

It was one of those amazing nights that you think about afterward, and you realize how lucky you are to have such a fun person in your life. I wish I had some pictures, but I've been without my camera as of late.

Also, the frogs have been named. They are named, Carl (thanks Cam.) That's right, I named them both Carl, now their identical exterior is moot!

Pets

I have wanted a dog for a really long time! You see, I lost my beautiful Boxer, Marley when I left Pete, and I have a serious burning desire for a new dog! I will one day own a dog, but I'm going to err on the smaller side, and buy a Boston Terrier! The dog will be a boy, and his name will be Klosterman. In the meantime, I have purchased two Aquatic Frogs! They haven't been named yet, because they are identical, but one day they will have names. I can't cuddle with them, but they are cute nonetheless.

Happiness

It has been a while since I last updated, and although there has been a lot going on, the most significant thing has been my overwhelming feelings of happiness. Pardon the rambling that is about to ensue...

I've been trying very hard to focus on positive things in my life, and eliminate sources of negativity. My happiness is in my control. When I start to complain about a "horrible" day, I usually stop mid-sentence to list some good things that have occurred. I live a life that is full of excitement, luxury, and opportunity.

I've learned over the past year and a half that my communication skills are vital to my happiness, and that clear communication in everything that I do is crucial. I'm learning to say no, and I'm learning to let go. Rather than make excuses, I decline invitations. Rather than say what I think people want to hear (which has never been too much of a problem,) I lay it all on the line. I have relieved myself of toxic relationships, and I'm surrounded by people who (in the words of my mother) "build me up, rather than break me down." I don't care how long I have known a person, or if they are a member of my family, if they present obstacles to my happiness, the relationship is reduced to a manageable form, or completely eliminated.

I'm settling into myself as a woman. I will continue to change, because that is a natural process, but I'm embracing things about myself that remain constant.

I am filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude knowing that there is no god, and my confidence in secular thinking and skepticism has touched every facet of my life. I am thankful for the sliver of time I occupy in the vast history of this planet, and I no longer live my life half-assed with the convoluted hope that eternity will prove to be better. I'm invigorated with the desire to finally finish school and devour the knowledge that will help me to have a successful career.

My physical health is constantly improving, and I'm becoming more and more happy in my own skin. Almost every time I leave a rendezvous with my friends I can't help but ramble on about how great they make me feel. I have found a significant other that loves me for my individual qualities, and he accepts me without condition. We recently went to the SLC Arts Festival with our friends Natalie, Alek, Sara and Josh, and as we walked around, holding hands, kissing, laughing and talking I noticed that the other couples were doing the same thing; everyone was so happy, and seemed completely satisfied. There were no pretenses, just happiness. I was one of those people, who a few years ago seemed like an elite few. I have never experienced a healthy romantic relationship like the one I have now, and I'm so excited to nurture it and watch it grow.

I probably sound like a rambling, new-age whacko with all of this happy-go-lucky emotional sharing, but it must be done. I feel amazing, and I'm so grateful. My happiness isn't a product of fate or chance, it is a creation of mine. For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy being me, and I wouldn't trade places with anyone.

Sparring

I've recently started sparring a little at my gym (Absolute MMA,) and it is turning out to be a lot of fun. I came to the gym last Friday and Rob told me that he had a girl that he wanted me to spar with. I told him that I would love to spar, but I have an infection in my nose. He explained that the infection was Staph, and I should watch it. I guess Staph is a bacteria that we carry in our nose, and when I was kneed in the face during Jiu-jitsu, it gave me a minor infection (it is clearing up without so much as a trip to the doctor.) Anyway, the gal that he wanted me to spar with is named Alexis Asher. Alexis is an absolute badass, she is a Golden Gloves boxer with twelve boxing matches, and five Muy Thai fights. I was grateful that Rob felt I was ready for the experience, and I was also terrified. Due to the infection Rob decided that we should just kick-spar.
Kick sparring is exactly as it sounds, there are only kicks allowed, no punches, knees, or elbows. The first day that we kick sparred I was shocked with my ability to defend kicks. I planned on strictly defending the entire time, but I was able to land a few kicks, and fared pretty well. My entire left shin was covered in bruises by the time we were done, but I felt absolutely amazing afterward. On Monday I came into the gym to kick-spar again, but was told that we would be punching as well; I would have the liberty to punch Alexis in the head, but she was only allowed to punch me in the body, I was thankful for the advantage. This session went remarkably well, and I was happy with my performance. Alexis has much more ring experience than I do, and could have killed me if she desired, but she was very controlled and let me get in enough work that I felt an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. Alexis lives in Brooklyn, but is contemplating moving to Utah, I hope that she does, because she would be a remarkable training partner. I was also able to kick-spar on Monday with a gal named Sierra, which provided a great lesson in learning how to read people and find a comfortable pace and rhythm for engagement. I left after my first two sessions feeling that I had done well for my experience level, and I was happy to apply the skill set that my instructors have equipped me with. I have never been so afraid of an activity, but loved it so much. I have also never wanted to excel for the sake of another as much as I do with martial arts; I am very proud to train under the expertise of Rob Handley, Pedro Sierra, and Camrann Pacheco, and everything that they teach me I want to apply with as much precision as possible. They are amazing teachers, and they deserve amazing students. My success is directly correlated to their teachings, and I want to make them proud with my attempts to apply the knowledge they so graciously share.

Sparring on Wednesday night was not quite as fun as Saturday and Monday, and I almost cried in the ring. The addition of shots to the head was overwhelming, and to my chagrin my brain seemed to shut down, which resulted in me behaving like a deer in headlights. I hate to admit it, but sparring with men brings another level of intimidation to the game, and I can't wait to move beyond such an irrational fear.

I will work my ass off to become better at this sport. Muay Thai is simple, but not easy, and I will continue for as long as I am able to try to improve.

Sundays

I love Sundays! I absolutely love, love, love Sunday mornings; we get to sleep in, and we don't have to rush! This sunday we woke up at nine, and snuggled until about ten. During the weekdays the first alarm goes off fifteen minutes before I have to get out of bed, because I always pull they standard, "spoon me for five more minutes." After consuming breakfast, and watching episodes of Avatar we slept from noon to two, and it was one of the best naps I have ever taken!! After showering and such, we played Jenga!!! We bought Jenga a few weeks ago and haven't had a chance to play it since, but today was the day! I threatened to kick Ben's booty at the game, because I do that frequently, but I lost.

We made it to thirty-two levels, and then it all came tumbling down.

Summer Fun

Ben and I make lists of restaurants, movies, and fun stuff to do. Here is the rough draft of the summer list!

1. The Zoo
2. Camping (Mineral Basin and various other locations)
3. Blowing bubbles at the park
4. Moab
5. Gallivan concerts
6. Tracy Aviary
7. Water Park
8. Cali
9. Feeding ducks
10. Museum (Art and Natural History)

Bring on the warm weather, and outdoor fornication!!

Dating 101

Last night I attended a seminar that was put on by a delightful woman, Karen Kindred. The seminar was called "Dating 101." I have two friends that have used Karen as their therapist, and they both had nothing but fantastic things to say about her, and that's how we ended up attending. I ended up going with Ben, Alek, Natalie, Vanessa, and two other friends, Heidi and Leanna. This seminar gave me some great insight into dating, a renewed confidence in myself, and it was more clear than usual that I'm a feminist.

The room was full of beautiful women and men, all whom were perfectly quaffed and dressed to the nines. I'm pretty sure if you took the money that each person spent on their outfit, plus the cost off accessories and toiletries, you could pay for my under-grad, they were that kind of people. Did I mention that it was held at a country club? I felt a tad out of place before things began, but when we split into sex-segregated groups to answer questions from the perspective of both sexes (i.e. What's the worst thing someone can do on a date?,) I found that I stuck out like an underdressed and sore thumb. These women had zero clue what it was like to date and behave like a grown up, and the men didn't seem to have any real world conception of the time period we currently occupy. Many of the girls in my group (my friends and one beautiful girl with curly black hair being the exception) didn't seem fit to date a door knob. These girls seemed to be lacking an identity, and independence. I didn't bite my tongue during the entire exercise, and as I've often found, you could see so many of these repressed young women lapping it up. They gasped when I said certain things, but laughed and gave me the knowing blush that I've seen so many times. The look in their eyes says "I HAVE SHIT TO SAY, BUT I'M AFRAID TO BE SHUNNED!" I probably sounded semi-crazy, but I'm learning to be comfortable with that. In fact, I don't see it as crazy; my personality is unique, and I have many endearing qualities. This seminar was like the ten minute mile you complete after you haven't worked out for a while, you feel out of shape, but relatively speaking, you're pretty fit. I realized in the face of all of these people that I'm going to find someone. I know myself, and that is one of the key components in finding a counterpart. My identity does not change, and it is unique, and anyone worth forming a commitment with will appreciate that.

My main contention with the exercise was that there were so many gender biased assumptions. When the question came up whether or not a woman should ask a man out on a date, the resounding answer from most seemed to be "no," but not just "no" a "HELL NO!"; The predominance of Mormons in the room barred the profanity, but the concept of a woman making the first move was met with emphatic rejection. We were in four groups, and each group had to share their two responses, this opened up some give and take between groups. One guy actually said "A man needs to feel like a man," when referring to paying for dinner. I couldn't help but blurt out in an irritated intonation "We vote now." I feel that the world would be a much more navigable place if everyone tried with all of their might to abandon the social construct of gender. The poor sucker that tries to feel worthwhile because he pays for dinner needs to get a hobby, because if a woman offers to pay, it's because she has the money to pay and wants to show you that she's grateful for the good time. Society has us pumped full of these ideas and concepts that don't make any sense. Why should an extroverted girl not ask out the cute guy at the coffee shop that is shy, but innocently flirts? Any logical human being that doesn't let their life be dictated by gender roles would see this as an acceptable thing to do, the people in this room didn't agree.

The dating tips given at the end were amazing. I need to work on my problem with "forecasting." I need to quit thinking ahead to the next date when I'm sitting with the person, and enjoy the moment. Also, I realized that liking someone is more important than loving someone. I was with someone for years that didn't like me and it was miserable. I'm not going to turn this entry into my attestation for why I think Ben is fantastic, but it made me realize things about our relationship and dynamic. The whole time I kept looking over at Ben and thinking that it was fantastic that he enjoys my taste in music, he likes that I want to buy board games at midnight, and he enjoys my spontaneity. He doesn't yell at me for embarrassing him, because I don't. I don't feel inferior because he is multi-talented, and I don't think he's dissatisfied because he is always striving to improve. Those are some of the things I really like about him, and Karen pointed out that it is better to like someone, and have fun with them than be in love. Love grows from like, and you shouldn't force it. Life isn't a fairytale, but sitting at home while eating Thai food, rolling/snuggling, playing California Speed, and watching the same movie IS a fairytale. If you can laugh for days with someone just by making sound effects, your relationship is better off, because when you can't pay your bills on time, you may as well be laughing.

All in all, the night was fantastic. We enjoyed some major people bashing after, and even when I don't want a person as a permanent fixture in my life, I always enjoy meeting new faces and experiencing new things. An experience may be bad, but it makes life richer, and I want to be a billionaire in that sense before I croak.

Cinder Block Legs

I signed up for the SLC Half Marathon on April 17th and the Ragnar Relay race in June. I'm terrified, I kick and punch stuff, I don't run! This should be a nice challenge. Tonight is my first night running outside; three miles seems like an awfully long distance.

Scones and Moans

This weekend was absolutely fantastic!

My recommendations after this weekend are as follows: 1.) Wait to see the movie Cop Out until it comes out on video. There were some very funny parts, and I was not overly disappointed, but I can't knowingly recommend the movie at eight dollars a ticket. 2.) If you have not dined at Johanna's Kitchen in Sandy, you MUST! The food is delicious, and reasonably priced. Ben and I went there twice this weekend, we tried the corned beef and hash, a breakfast burrito, french toast, and their delectable scones! Everything we tried and everything our friends tried was fantastic! 3.) Please check out my dearest Bentley's blog page and subscribe! We will be posting fun news and tournament information there. In order to get some things up and running for sponsorships we need to get his name and information out there! I have never met anyone that deserves something more, and any help that we can get in perpetuating his name is appreciated. He's also on Twitter, and Facebook!

Aesop Rock

Ben and I traveled to Boulder, Colorado on the 18th for the Aesop Rock concert. We drove for nine hours (by we, I mean Ben,) in a freaking blizzard. The roads were hell, and we left so late that we had to drive straight to the venue without stopping at the hotel. The driving conditions and our tardiness did not detract from the fact that we had some amazing conversations, shared great stories, and witnessed things ranging from a palatial truck stop, to a horror-movie-esque gas station. We did manage to stop at the local Wal-mart near the venue to procure two silver sharpies; the sharpies were purchased with the hope that I would get Aes to sign the lyric book I mentioned in my previous post.

I was trying not to panic because we were running late, but I'm pretty sure that my excessive map checking and phone flipping gave away my anxiety. At one point while trying to find the venue I said something to the effect of "If we miss the show, my fucking life is over." I think my anxiety was compounded by the fact that I had consumed twelve times my daily dose of sugar, and we had been listening to an awful audiobook, Paulo Cohello's, Eleven Minutes, which could possibly be one of the most horrendous books I have ever had the displeasure of experiencing. As a serious aside, Cohello uses so much mystical language, and blatantly contradicts himself throughout the book, that I literally wouldn't hesitate to burn a copy of this novel. Anyway, we finally found the venue, The Fox Theater, but parking was virtually non-existent. It is a college town and we parked in a lot that was gated and had a sign stating that tickets would be issued for all cars parked after 11:30 p.m. I told Ben that the ticket would be worth it, and we parked.

Seeing "Aesop Rock" on the marquee literally gave me chills. We made it inside, and the show hadn't even started! I was so incredibly relieved that we didn't miss any of the show. We managed to get close enough to the stage that I could reach out and touch the stage, only two tiny people were separating me from the space that was going to be occupied by my favorite artist. The air felt electric to me, and the anticipation was literally making my chest hurt. Then, it happened, Ian Matthias Bavitz came onto the stage.

Aesop came onto the stage, and I screamed like a twelve year old at an 'Nsync concert. It was almost surreal seeing him perform, he literally sounds better live than he does on CD. His performance was flawless. He was accompanied by Rob Sonic and DJ Big Whiz, both accomplices helped to make the show one that I will never forget. Aesop dances like a total weirdo, but it fits with the music. At one point he was standing on one foot with the other leg stretched out behind him, both hands clasped in front of his chest, sort of like a handicapped ballerina. He smiles like a little kid, and closes his eyes when he raps. Between songs he gave numerous accolades to Big Whiz and Rob Sonic, there wasn't any of the pompous self-proclamations of greatness that most people associate with hip-hop. The only bling he wore was his wedding ring, that he pointed at and stated "I can't," to a skanky girl that was showing her boobs to him, and begging him to come over. This was a real performance, by a real artist, and the experience was better than I ever could have imagined.

He performed some of my favorite songs, "Labor," "No Regrets," "Daylight," "Nightlight," "Big Bang," "Catacomb Kids," "Fast Cars," "Pigs," and even Ben's favorite, "Fish Tales." Basically, I love every one of his songs, and each one made me happier than the previous when I witnessed his body spew the vibrations into the microphone. I could hardly move throughout the whole show, I just kept one hand on Ben's belt, and smiled from ear to ear!I probably looked handicapped with the way that I was acting, I have never felt so happy. It was surreal seeing his tattoos in person. I have stared at picture of this man for hours on end, and there he was, feet away.

The show ended, and he announced that he would be signing stuff at the merch booth. We waited for about fifteen minutes, and he came out. I stood in a line that was about three people long, and was poised like a dork with my sharpie opened in one hand, and my lyric book in the other. Each person that moved I took one small step forward.

I talked to Aesop Rock. I made Aesop Rock laugh. Aesop Rock put his arm around my shoulder. Aesop rock is immortalized in a photo where my head is resting on his shoulder. Aesop Rock signed my lyric book. Aesop Rock made my year, and he doesn't even know it.

I managed to stay cool as a cucumber during the encounter, but went beavershit crazy once we made it outside. I have never been so excited, I almost cried. I screamed, I beamed, and I hugged Ben over and over. We walked with our arms around each other, and I just kept repeating "I met Aesop!" I looked at the picture at least fifty times in twenty minutes. I called my mother and best friend (Travis) at two in the morning on a Thursday to tell them about the event. I now have the picture of Aesop set as the background on my Macbook and my Ipod. I'm getting the picture framed with the lyric book, and yes, I will gladly drive in inclement weather for hours on end to see him again, someday.

P.S. I feel terribly guilty that Ben didn't get a picture with Aesop, I didn't have enough of my wits about me to even offer. Thankfully, Ben didn't seem to mind.