Cough, Cough, Cry

I would much rather have the stomach flu than deal with any type of congestion.

My chest is burning, and I'm pretty sure I've consumed more cough syrup than any human being should. Perhaps drinking a bottle of cheap vodka would do the same thing and cost a bit less? I can't wait to feel better so that I can train and read without my pounding headache.

Old Maid

Most of my friends are married; A fair amount of them are in very significant relationships, the others have houses, condos, and kids. Sometimes I feel like I'm behind the curve relative to others in my life (and in my age group,) but I suppose I'm just taking a different route. After all, I'm only twenty-one, and Utah is wacky.

Keeping 'Em Confused

"Did you just stroke my mustache," that's how I respond when a man expresses subconscious affection by caressing my lips? I'm definitely going to work on the way I accept compliments and affectionate gestures.

Also, when you say that there is a "good kind of romance" versus a "bad kind of romance" that statement involves some serious explanation, and you always sound critical during said explanation. Doh!

Pictured above is a sign of "bad romance."

Skeptical Eye

I have recently moved out of my parent's abode and I'm staying at my friend Mallory's Dad's house while he is out of town. I'm house sitting his magnificent condo, and after that I will be moving somewhere undecided. Living alone is absolutely fantastic, however, the first night was touch and go. I moved into the condo on a Sunday night at about ten o'clock, and was walking around the condo flipping light switches and checking windows and doors to ensure that they were properly secured. I turned on the light above the stairs on the main level, and walked into the basement, where the laundry room is. I turned on the laundry room light and the basement light, and walked into the laundry room. When I came out of the laundry room the basement light was off, and after feeling the light switch, I deduced that the bulb had clearly burned out. I walk upstairs, and the light above the stairs on the main level was also out. I went to bed, and while laying in bed, the light above the stairs randomly turned on; I almost shat my pants when the light came on. I had to say aloud "you are a rational human being, calm down, point your skeptical eye." I then pointed my actual eyes at the nearest blunt object, and after going over the logistics of beating someone to death with a lamp, I decided that my mitts would have to suffice, and I flew out of the bedroom door in my fight stance. As it turns out, I was alone in the house, and the electrical in this place is just a tad finicky.

In addition to the great lighting situation, I've also discovered that the condo next door shares a wall with my staircase, so it sounds like they are walking on my stairs when they walk through their house. I can see how less rational people believe in ghosts.

"You are a rational person, calm down, point your skeptical eye."

Holiday Recap

The past few weeks have been very eventful. Christmas came and went, and it's officially a New Year! Christmas Eve consisted of picking my dad up from a crack house, well it was about noon that I picked him up, but that aside, it was a great night. Ben went to dinner with me, my mom, and Braeden, and it was a blast. Christmas Day was fantastic, everyone loved their gifts and the family behaved as well as they know how. The 26th of December I went on an epic sledding adventure with VTS, Ben, and Dave Komi at Sugarhouse Park. The infamous "one last run" was performed by Vaness and Bentley, and ended with them riding "doubles" and crashing with great style. Ben's hip is still acting up, and Vanessa hit her head, but they looked good doing it!

New Year's Eve was AWESOME! I went to a party at Dusty's (a friend I have acquired through Ben,) and I experienced some delectable marijuana brownies. The brownies tasted fine going down, but when I regurgitated them later in the evening, they were not so great. I was only going to consume four drinks at the maximum, but that quota was quickly forgotten when I was offered shots; after all, it's rude to turn down drinks from someone that's hosting a party! I was going along just fine, when Ben ate two small chunks of the illegal treats. Then, Natalie ate some of them. Here's a good place for an aside, Natalie is the girlfriend of Alek. Alek is one of Ben's best friends since waaaayy back in the day. Alek is quite possibly one of the best people on the planet, and so is Dusty. Dusty hosted the party, and is currently letting us teach the two of them kickboxing on Tuesdays and Thursdays, the guy is freaking awesome. Birds of a feather or something, because both Dusty and Alek roll around with Ben, and Alek snagged Nat, who is quite possibly one of the coolest women that I've ever met, and I've only been around her for about four hours in total. Annnyway, Ben and Natalie are eating brownies, and I decide that it's a good idea if I eat some. I proceeded to eat a substantial amount of chocolate goods, in fact, I ate the last piece, and the crumbs at the bottom of the tupperware. Waste not, want not. These brownies are like ninja assassins, they snuck into my system (rather, they were let in through the front door, but go with the analogy,) and then hid behind the curtain of booze for about two hours. At around one o' clock, Ben was completely freaked out because he was so completely high, and the ninja brownies started kicking in my skull, and we crashed on a Love Sack. We were giggling and conspiring while hanging out, and poor Alek had to drive us home, because Drunky Mchighs A Lot, and her sidekick, Ben were incapable of operating heavy machinery. When we got back to Ben's, the ish really hit the fan. I remembered why I don't do drugs, that stuff makes me paranoid. The room started spinning (due to the exorbitant amount of alcohol mixing with the THC) and I had to conduct some breathing exercises reminding myself that I was fine, and it would wear off, eventually. Poor Ben, who was experiencing weed for the second time in his life, and has never consumed ethanol, was laying in bed cursing everyone that convinced him that two pieces would barely effect him. Ben told me to stop asking him questions because I was making him paranoid, and we were both upset that the other person wasn't sober enough to help. Aaaaah, smells like bonding to me. I puked twice and crashed. The next morning, we were both still slightly inebriated, and we pinky swore to never eat Mary Jane Baked Goods ever again!! The night really was a lot of fun, and I was very happy to ring in the New Year with someone that I absolutely adore. I'm glad the Holidays are over, but I'm even happier that I have fantastic memories for the 2009 season of forced merriment.

Wait, the holidays are not over, because just when I think that I'm finally done, the Valentine's Day paraphernalia clogs up store aisles. I would like someone to buy me a book for Valentine's Day, and maybe even some flowers. I'll just buy myself some lilies and make a trip to Barnes, screw this love game and the shitty corporate holiday it rode in on.

Flunking Thai

Finals are officially over, and my first semester at the University of Utah has been completed. I didn't apply myself this semester, and I'm going to pay the price with my GPA. I suppose that I'm allowed to slack for one semester (at least that's how I'm justifying my laziness. ) Next semester is going to be awesome, and I'm setting a personal goal of a 4.0. I know I'm capable of pulling out four A's, and quite frankly, success is easier than failure. When I don't perform to my optimum capacity I feel such an immense amount of disappointment that it isn't worth it. I acquired a great amount of knowledge during the fall semester, and I'm finally feeling oriented with the campus and the new learning environment. What is done can't be reversed, and I'll just have to deal with it. A three week break should leave me sufficiently refreshed to take on an arduous course load.

On a lighter note, I'm hell bent on going to Thailand in October. Ben found a gym that has trained some "gods" of Muay Thai, and they train women. The exchange rate for the USD to the Thai Baht is amazing, and financially I seriously think we can swing it. We'd go for a full month, and with any luck we can talk Rob into going with us! I am going to train my ass off (more than usual) so that I'm capable of surviving on the trip. Basically, I've resolved in my head that I'm going, and nothing is going to stop me!

Epic Fail

Today I was craving fruit and french toast, and both of those cravings were satisfied, but not without some minor setbacks. Ben and I went to the store, and I was feeling a little adventurous; you see, Harmons has the best produce ever (aside from the over-abundance of organic produce, which is just irritating,) and I wanted to try something funky. What ensued was not pretty. We purchased some standard fruit in the form of: red grapes, a red pear, a pomegranate, and tangerines, all of which were delicious. On the flip side, we purchased some alien fruit. A pummelo, a feijoa guava, and a kiwano horned melon were discovered on our culinary expedition. I do not ever recommend the latter two fruits, below are pictures, and it is best that everyone heed my advice. These deceiving little bastards look enticing, but they are not consumed by the general popluation because they are disgusting. You have been warned.

Champion Submission Challenge

Team Absolute was represented by five members on November 14th, at UVU, for the Champion Submission Challenge, which is a submission-only grappling tournament. This tournament had no time limit, and there were no points. Competitors had the option of gi or no-gi, and some of our Team chose to compete in both divisions. We had a very strong showing with all five of our participants.

Vanessa The Scientist transformed into Vanessa The Destroyer, and swept first in both gi and no-gi events for women! She put up an amazing fight throughout, but the final match was one of epic proportions; when I say proportions, I mean that literally. The wonderful woman that she fought has the largest breasts that I have ever seen! It was like she had three opponents at once, but that did not deter Vanessa, and her athletic ability really showed. Aside from her amazing talent, she was rocking a pink Atama gi, it was enough to make me swoon.


Bret Gold had some very long matches in his weight division for the men's gi portion. There was one match in particular when he was clearly exhausted, but he muscled through, and ended up taking third place. Denver Merrifield-Nirva signed up for both gi and no-gi divisions, and placed 2nd in no-gi. His last opponent put up one hell of a fight, but after winning the match against "Dirty Denver" he ended up passing out. That's right, he passed out AFTER the fight. He may have caught Denver in a submission, but Denver will haunt his dreams for quite some time! Braeden Kilpack (aka: my awesome little bro) took second place in the Junior's gi division, and fought hard in the Junior's no-gi. One of Braeden's matches (which resulted in a loss for him) lasted for over thirty minutes, and Braeden was dominant for the entire match! His heart really showed, and I'm very proud of him. Nate Epperson came out for his first tournament, and had more mat time than most of our team, combined. He fought tooth and nail in the gi division, and ended up taking second place!

El Capitain, AKA Ben Garner entered in the Men's Title-Middleweight Gi division and the Absolute Title Gi division. It came as no surprise that he dominated every person in both, and he walked away with first place titles. The fight for first place in the Absolute division was a battle to the end, and Ben managed to arm lock a fourth-degree purple belt from one of our sister gyms. Ben is a second-degree blue belt, but he regularly submits men that "outrank" him. Aside from devastating every opponent he faced, Ben helped everyone prepare for the tournament, and his help was priceless. Without his attention to detail in the gym, no one would have been as prepared as they were, and he really was the foundation for our team at this event. With that said, of course, we ultimately couldn't do any of this without Rob, and his vast knowledge and unending support.



I was very thankful to be a part of the tournament, even if it was only from the sidelines. Everyone kicked some serious ass.

It Really Is Wonderful

I like reading The New York Times and drinking chai tea; I can't stress enough how much I absolutely love reading the news. If I believed in souls, I would say that reading international headlines warms mine.

Lately I have been feeling a bit negative, and it makes me feel gross. I really have a very happy life, and my days are filled with a million positive things.
For instance, I don't have to wear a burka, and that is great.
Female genital mutilation isn't something that I have to fear (personally.)
I am fortunate enough to pursue my education, and participate in the free exchange of ideas. When I want to eat food, I can choose from an array of options. I don't have to grow or kill anything for sustenance, and that is bitchin.
My friends are some of the best people on the planet. I have an amazing job, and a healthy body. There isn't a single day that I don't get to look outside and see the sky. I laugh more than most people, and I'm surrounded by love. Why do I feel so negative sometimes? I suppose it is normal, but I won't stand for it! For every negative thought, I'm going to verbalize three great things in life, nobody likes a Negative Nancy.

Cage

"She walks around the corner, it’s like she brought the sun with her, Then everything just brightened up, I couldn’t make this up.
My fingers in my eyes as she walked by like I was waking up...Because the sky opened and God handed you directly to me. I know it sounds crazy but so is life, I’m sinking, and feeling like your heart is beating solely for me." -Cage, "I Never Knew You"

"I Never Knew You" is about a stalker that eventually kills a girl, but the song makes my heart melt. I can not wait to see Cage in concert! This song is creepy in its entirety, but I can't wait for the day when someone thinks the world brightens up because I walked around the corner.

The cover art for Cage's Depart From Me, was done by Alex Pardee. He is an amazing artist, and I would do anything to procure the painting below.